InstaFriday

Happy Friday! I have been off work all week and have had the best time relaxing and pampering myself!

Friday night, my sister and aunt came in town and all the girls went to dinner at Bounty on Broad. It was amazing! They do family style dining, so if you want the best bang for your buck, go with a group that you can share with. We ended up getting 4 or 5 vegetables and 3 different meats and all ate a little of everything. So. Good!

Saturday, I made the trek out to my parents' house to hang out with my nieces. It was lots of fun! And approximately 217 degrees so I stayed in the water the entire time! When we were finished swimming, I was getting ready in my parents' bathroom and I called Ansley in to play Bad Blood for her, because it is "her song." She walks in and says, "Oh! Why are you so beautiful?!" It melts my heart! Then Marlee comes in, takes one look at me and says, "How old are you? Shouldn't you be married?" From the mouths of babes...

I left my family on Saturday and went to a Christmas in July part with some people from church. So festive. And so much food! We watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, because of course.

Monday was the start of my week off! I slept in (until 6:30 or 7) and got to go to the gym in the morning to lift. Great start to the day! Then I got a mani and pedi. So relaxing. Drank a mimosa and watched Insurgent, which was only fitting since I also saw Divergent at the NailBar. After that, I spent the rest of the day just hanging out with friends and doing a whole lot of nothing.

The pampering continued on Tuesday. I got an amazing massage that was super relaxing and then back over to my parents' house for some more pool time. A float with a cupholder and a good book. What more does a girl need?! It was great. Then I ran to the library for a few new books before going to Bible study.

Wednesday was my birthday! I ran hard and lifted heavy. Then went get my hair done. I was instructed not to sweat. Yeah, easier said than done when I get in my car and see this...

But then a friend said that she was down the street at a coffee shop studying so I met up with her for coffee and a cupcake and a study break for her. Can't go wrong with a Tomboy from Muddy's!

I planned a low key night. A friend suggested dinner and I was thinking something casual- possibly sushi. He later asked if I wanted Houston's or to try something different. Then he suggested Flight. Who am I to complain? It was incredible! I got the steak flight that included a regular beef filet, as well as elk and bison. Yum! And I got the flight of Duckhorn wine, because it's Duckhorn. Everything was so amazing! Including the company!

I think that my birthday should have been sponsored by Duckhorn Wines. This week, I had the chardonnay, pinot noir, paraduxx, merlot, and cabernet. They were all delicious, btw.

Moving On

Welp, the birthday celebrations are over. Today is a new day. And it's going to be a hard one!

One that I have been dreading and eagerly anticipating for a long time... Years! And it all comes down to today.

Pray for me! I'm going to need it. I have therapy this afternoon. That was strategically planned. Deadlines planned for the day after my birthday are not ideal, but being able to unpack things and decompress with my therapist are.

So that's the plan: a long-anticipated, much dreaded therapy session. I have tried not to think about it this week. I have tried to put it out of my head as much as possible. Most of the time has been successful, but yesterday I was relaxing at the pool on a float and just started crying. Ugh! It's going to be a rough day.

After therapy,  I am hiding away in a hotel for the weekend. I plan to order room service and stay in bed all weekend. My therapist gave me permission!

Wow! I'm really not looking forward to this. Please pray!

Golden Birthday

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Today is my birthday. My golden birthday!

I have really been celebrating all week, but today is it! Man, I love birthdays!

I have been working on my 30-by-30 list, so hopefully it will be finished by the end of the day. Or by 1:15, since that's when I was actually born...

Relaxation

Guess who is off work all week!?

Me!!!!!

I'm so excited. My birthday is on Wednesday, so I decided to take the entire week off. I plan to do a whole lot of relaxing. And not much else.

I'm getting a manicure and pedicure today, a massage tomorrow, and a haircut on Wednesday. And there will be lots of time spent reading by the pool. It will be glorious!

And then after Wednesday, the celebrations are coming to a crashing halt. I don't want to talk about all that yet though. It will come later. Right now, I'm still basking in the joy of my birthday and some time off!

Sunday Smiles

Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

- Isaiah 40:31

InstaFriday

Well, I missed last week so this is 2 weeks worth of pictures- not that I take very many pictures anyway...

I have talked recently about my poor coping skills. Seriously, they have been at an all-time low. Last weekend, I got frustrated and decided to just bury my head in the sand and ignore my problems. Sadly, this is actually an improvement in my recent coping skills. Oops!

Last Monday at work, we had another meeting. I was feeling good about the decisions. And decided that just because it was Monday didn't mean it wasn't still summer, so I packed up and met my cousin and niece at my parents' house for a little evening swim. Wine, sun, and pool was exactly what I needed!

The walls are real! Really real. I'm working on it though. If you can spot the mistake, you might just get a prize...

Tuesday night was an off week for Bible study, so we decided to go out to dinner instead. Carrabba's was having a deal with a 4-course meal and wine pairings so we decided to check it out. It was so good but so much food. We had a blast just talking and laughing. It was great to just connect with them.

I always think that this is a clever idea. But why do the single have to be the old, bruised ones that no one wants? Thanks a lot! #SecondClassSingleness

This is Lilah. She is adorable! She came to visit one of my patients. I don't know if she cheered up the patient, but she sure did make the nurses smile! She was like a little rag doll. As soon as anyone would pet her, she would lie on the floor with all 4 limbs spread out. Pet therapy works! If you need me, I'll be looking up puppies...

Vulnerability

If you don't read Momastery, you're really missing out! Bookmark it. Add it to your reader of choice. Get ready to enjoy Glennon's hilarious nuggets of wisdom.

One of the many things that I love about Glennon is her realness– her vulnerability. There're two reasons for that. I think it's a human we are drawn to vulnerability and others. And secondly it is something that I can't do. I'm trying. I really am. But the walls are strong and tearing them down peace by piece is hard. And right now I physically do not know how to open up and be vulnerable.

She recently posted a blog about this. While reading it, I was wondering if she had written about me. Go ahead and read it now. Then come back. I'll wait...

This is so MY story. The details are different. Some of the struggles are different. But the story is the same. We are taking turns sharing her testimony for my small group and as people share and as I think about mine, I realize every basic story is the same. We look for our worth in something apart from God. That something may be different in each story, but the basic plot is the same. And we will never find our worth in that- in anything apart from Christ! Jesus wants all of us! He wants us to come as we are.

Guys, this is so hard for me! The "come as you are" stuff. The vulnerability stuff. I don't like it. I want to have a nice beginning, middle, and end. I want to share my struggles once they are better and everything is all tied up in a nice, pretty bow. It's hard to tell my story and the hurts and struggles when I'm still walking through them. But that's how life is. Vulnerability is scary, y'all!

Life Lately

Sorry I have been MIA. Life has been crazy busy and I have been exhausted.

There have been multiple meetings at work about schedule changes and I felt like I have been on a roller coaster of emotions because of it. I talked about the initial meeting and my feelings about it. 2 weeks ago, we had a second meeting with the whole group, all the chiefs, and the department chair over all the residents. After a 3-hour meeting, we still hadn't reached a decision. We were nowhere closer to a resolution. So we met again last week with just our group for another 2 hours. It seemed as though a decision was made. Everyone was happy- or at least willing to give the changes a try.

Then there was a 3rd meeting. Two of our docs met with the chief and department chair to share our decisions. After another few hours, the whole plan was changed. Yet again. And that is the point where I broke. I think it was a combination of change and exhaustion and frustration. I waited until I left work, but when I made it home, there were definitely some tears. And profanity.

That's when I decided that I wasn't going to be productive for the rest of the week. I was just going to focus on rest. After that decision, the rest of the week was smoother- emotionally. Although I got nothing done and so I can't do this every week.

But I do feel better after resting. I am trying to "remain curious" and see how this whole schedule thing finally shakes out before I make an rash decisions. I did decide that I'm going to take more time off. I think that is part of what is playing into my exhaustion is that I haven't taken a day off to get things done in a while.

I feel bad taking days off though. I don't have a desk job where the work piles up and I just have to work harder when I get back. If I did, I would work harder and deal with it. But the patient load doesn't go down just because I'm off. Nothing is any slower. So if I'm not there, someone else has to do my work and I feel bad about it. But I am over it now. My mental and emotional sanity is more important. New plan: take off 1 Monday per month- just to get things done!

Sunday Smiles

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But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me. -Psalm 13:5-6

Sunday Smiles

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See, I have engraved you in the palm of my hand. -Isaiah 49:16

InstaFriday

This did not actually happen this week. I think it was last week, but the picture is here now... Some friends from Fellowship are moving to Atlanta so Jamie and I went to a going-away party for them. They will definitely be missed!

Last Friday night, Jamie and I ran the last of the MTown series- Stars and Stripes 5K. It was a lot of fun. It had rained off and on all day which had cooled things off, but didn't rain at all for the run. Afterwards, we got food and beer and she got an airbrushed American flag tattoo. They had fireworks afterwards too, but Jamie had to get home to meet some coworkers so we didn't stay for them. But... I did sit out on the front porch later and watch them from my house!

Fourth of July was on Saturday. I went to the first cookout to say hi and make an appearance- and to say bye to some sweet friends that are moving away. Then I ventured out to the suburbs to cookout #2. This was hosted by some new friends from church- that had gotten married the night before! Yes. Craziness. They got married on Friday night, left for their honeymoon Sunday morning and decided to host a Fourth of July party on Saturday. They wanted some extra time with friends from out of town and it was great! They had food left over from the reception and had a bartender.

And... we could see the Germantown fireworks from their house! We walked to the street and watched the fireworks without having to fight traffic and people in the park. Win, win! Afterwards, a few of us put on some music and helped clean up/had a dance party until Amy decided she needed to finish packing and get some sleep so she kicked us out. Such a fun night!

Marc Gasol is staying in Bluff City. Enough said. #gritgrind

My reading list is growing. I have started 3 of these books, which intimidates me a little bit so I think I am going to have to scale back to one (or two) at a time. I need a vacation just to sit around and read. Maybe on the beach...

Some days you need this reminder. I know I do. Our bodies are vessels that can be used to do amazing things. They are tools. But they are not everything!

We didn't have Bible study this week so we decided to have a girls movie night instead. 9 girls. 7 bottles of wine. Pizza, popcorn, cookies. Bridesmaids. Laughter. What more could you ask for?!

Last night, after a great spin workout, I crashed on the couch and caught on Big Brother. Whiskey seemed appropriate. I just bought some more Gentleman's Jack. So smooth!

House Updates

Time for an update. Because I am still living in a construction zone. Although it is getting better...

I first talked about the fact that the bathroom flooded on May 1. We had them come and bring fans, but didn't do anything about it for a couple weeks because life was crazy. On May 19, I wrote about how we had to move everything out of our rooms so they could work. I posted pictures of the demolition on May 20. A week later, we had walls! I naively seemed excited about the process. Then I house/dog sat for about a month while they continued to work on the house. I came home just in time to be kicked out so they could do the carpet and relay the kitchen floor. I wasn't happy about it.

Now I am back in my house and have been sleeping like a baby in my wonderful bed with nice, new carpet under my feet! But that does not mean that things are finished. No one came last week until Friday. No one. All week. Until Friday. July 3rd. When we were all off work because of the holiday. It was just the painters so they weren't in the way too much. And they couldn't paint everything because there is still work to be done. They were in and out in less than 3 hours. The upstairs bathroom still needs to be painted, baseboards need to be replaced, and there is no door. The hallway and stairs need to be painted. The cabinets in the laundry room were hung too low and need to be fixed so that the laundry room can be painted. And they still need to paint the downstairs bathroom and kitchen ceiling that they couldn't do last week because they still have to fix repairs and patch some stuff.

So basically this entire thing will have taken about 8 weeks when it is all said and done. And it has been so frustrating! No one came for an entire week and there is essentially nothing we can do about it. If we fire them, we would have to go through the entire process again with someone else- if we could even find someone else willing to fix the original work. We are basically prisoners to these construction workers. I'm ready for it to all be over- and also ready to move out! Sheesh!

Work Struggles

Blah! Last week I found out that they are trying to make some changes at work. It is all still up in the air and they don't really know how they are going to change things (as far as I know) but things are going to be different. The short version is that we have been busy and we are only expecting to increase our census and workload so they are trying to figure out the best way to combat that.

Apparently a couple of the docs met with administration last week to talk about some changes and some options for fixes. One of these potential options is for my schedule to go back to 7 days on, 7 days off.

I went through so many emotions about it all on Monday. I was initially overwhelmed. And then excited. Then frustrated. And upset. By the end of the day, I even looked online to see what other jobs were out there.

Don't get me wrong, I loved that schedule when I first started this job and would be willing to go back to it. I would even be excited about it- even though I think it would be very different this time around because they are trying to make more changes than just that. But my frustration came from the fact that a. I don't like change and b. I don't feel like I had a voice or opinion in any of this. I don't know that I would have changed anything at all and I may very well like the new schedule better, but I just wanted my opinion on it to be acknowledged.

I don't know how I'm feeling now. Mostly like I need a vacation. And have bad coping skills...

Sunday Smiles

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Experiencing God's grace in our brokenness reminds us that His love never fails.

InstaFriday

Happy Friday! I'm enjoying a day off. It is kind of blah and raining outside so I am chilling and doing a whole lot of nothing! I love it! I may even go to a movie all by myself. So relaxing! I needed this day after a stressful week. More on that to come, but first- pictures...

Megan, my best friend from college, just got engaged. She is getting married in November. I thought that deserved a #throwbackthursday collage. I tried to choose some of our best pictures. Ha!

My dad took me on a date. We went to the Memphis Alumni game. It was the first one that they have done and it was so much fun! Fun seeing former players- some playing in the NBA, overseas, D-leagues, or just for fun. It was a great game and a good turn out. Hopefully, this will become a summer tradition. Afterwards, my dad and I went to eat at Houston's, because I never turn down a meal at Houston's. I am such a daddy's girl! Such a fun #daddydaughterdate

Our house is still chaotic and cooking kind of stresses me out because there is a nice layer of dust over everything. I stopped by Pei Wei on my way home from work one night and got this! This has to be good luck or something, right?

My sweet friend Jamie just turned 30! Her husband and some friends planned a surprise dinner for her. She was shocked! We also all wrote her letters beforehand that were collected and one of her friends organized them all into a scrapbook. It was perfect, and so Jamie! Jamie and I first met through a Bible study at church and went through the no-dating challenge together. She is such a precious, faithful friend. I am so thankful for her and glad I got to celebrate her life!

July

Welcome to July!

The new interns started yesterday so avoid hospitals at all costs. If you see someone walking around the hospital in a white coat looking lost, don't worry, he's probably really a doctor.

Yesterday was actually smoother than I thought it would go. We had 240 straight hours of IOC (Internist on call) going into July 1 so I was worried our census would be crazy, but it was a lot better than I thought which was nice. I think it is going to be a good month.

I did get a call from the new vascular intern about a patient we are both taking care of. He was so friendly and energetic. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Vascular Surgery his first month would steal his soul. The good news for him, the year will only get better!

Now for a little hospital humor... Have you seen this video? It's been going around on facebook recently and it's hilarious! We have weekly "Length of Stay" meetings with the CMO of the hospital and decreasing length of stay is a big push right now. But then there are readmissions... I could get on a whole soapbox about readmissions and how people need to take personal responsibility for their own health, but I won't. Short version: I can treat a patient and prescribe all the correct medications. I can even get the hospital and the social worker to pay for the patient's medications so they have them in their possession when they leave. But I can't go to their homes and watch them take their medicine everyday. And when they don't take their meds and end up back in the hospital, we don't get paid for that visit! So frustrating! But here is a little humor about it...