Monday, February 27, 2017

30 x 30: Be Content

Well, I was initially planning to save this one for the end. It was going to be the last of the 30 and I was going to talk about zen I was and we were all going to sit around and sing Kumbaya together.

But the more I thought about it, I realized that I am content now so why not go ahead and write about it?! When I put this on the list, I thought it was a stretch. Sure, there are times when I have been really happy, but contentment is on a whole different level. And yet, here I am!

I recently talked about my contentment with singleness. And I stand by that 100%. I also feel like that was the one area of my life that had previously been the most unsettled. Now I feel like pretty much every other area of my life is unsettled! Ha! Church is meh right now. (There is a post coming, I promise!) Work is super busy and stressful and I have thought about doing something totally different. Maybe I should look back in to law school... ;) I would love to drop everything and move to New York and have an adventure for a few years.

But in the midst of all that, I still feel very content this season of life. I feel a peace about where I am right now. That being said, I've talked about my mission a little bit lately and I definitely feel God stirring up something. So while I at peace with where I am now, I am also certain that I will not be here or being doing this forever. I don't know what's next. I don't know if I stay in Memphis in my current job, or move to Manhattan for law school, or anything in between. But I do know that I'm satisfied with where I am right now and confident that God is going to work through this season until He shows me where to go next!

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Sunday Smiles

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
- Ezekiel 36:26

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Sunday Smiles

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify with God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
- Romans 15:5-6

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Second Class Singleness

Well, it's the week of Valentine's Day so it's only appropriate to talk about singleness. Ha!

I have actually started this post multiple times in the last few years and, for one reason or another, haven't finished writing it. I am in a very different place writing this post now. It's a very different viewpoint than it would have been if I had written it a year or 2 ago. And maybe that's a good thing.

First of all, let me just say that I am very content in my singleness- more so than I have probably ever been. I mean ideally I would like to get married. (Well ideally, I would have already been married) But while I think that it would be nice, I do not see it as the prize. It's not the end goal. It's not the light at the end of the tunnel. I am busy and happy and fulfilled and not looking for a relationship. I also get to snuggle with a dog that will soon let me be the little spoon!

There are times when work is super busy and long. Not too long ago, I had a friend go over at lunch and let Molly out because I didn't know what time I was going to get home (Thanks KB!) and times like that I think that it would be nice to be doing this thing called life with someone else. There are times when it would be nice to have a partner to share the load. But those aren't good enough reasons to want to get married.

I have found that my friends that are itching to get married fall into one of three categories:
1. They are lonely and really, really want someone to be with.
2. They feel outside social pressures to meet expected "norms."
3. They want to have kids.

I might as well address all of those... I'm not lonely. Okay, there are times when I am lonely. But not enough to feel like I have to get married. Most of the time when I want to do something and I'm sad that there is no one to do it with, it's more about me missing my friends that are now in relationships than it is me wanting to be in one myself. So to my friends that want to get married because they're lonely, I'm probably sitting on the couch watching Netflix. Just ask. Maybe I'll want to hang out.

This one is definitely the one I encounter the most. Social pressures definitely exist. I feel as if everyone around me wants me to get married a lot more than I want to. Which is fine. I know assume people have good intentions, but sometimes they are really dumb. They make ignorant comments and ask insensitive questions. Or they tell me that they don't understand why I'm single because I'm so pretty or smart or (fill in the blank with something that is supposed to make me feel better about myself). It doesn't make me feel better about myself. It just makes me annoyed with you. You don't know my life! LOL. But for real, when people ask why I'm single I give them the shortest answer I know how to, because I assume that they aren't asking for a synopsis of my psychological and emotional state for the past 20 years and the growth that I have made so I just give them the fact elevator answer and move on.

Also, on this note: when people try to set me up or say that they have someone in mind for me, it is usually an epic failure. They typically mean, "You're single and I know someone else that's single so you guys should try and date." Yeah, no. Just spare me!

I don't even know what to say about number 3. I have a few friends that I feel as if this is there main reason for wanting to get married. They want to get married and have kids by a certain age and time is ticking! Umm.. yes, I want kids (I think). But I can't hear anything that even resembles a biological clock. Ha! I'm sure it's in there somewhere. Right?

I'm in a singles group at church. (Remind me to post my church rant soon.) I have not really been going. For lots of reasons. But mainly because I hate that people view singleness as transient. I hate that singles ministries have turned into either a place to find a spouse or a place to prepare for the next season of life. And because it's viewed as transient, the church makes it seems as if it's a waiting period- a holding cell- until you can move into the "real" part of your life.

I don't know if I'm going to get married. I don't know if there's another season of life coming. This is my life. I want to live in the present and live out God's will for my life fully now so that I can best glorify Him. If someone comes along and I get married, then great. But if not, I'm content with my journey!

Monday, February 13, 2017

Happy Galentines Day

Today is officially Galentines day and you guys know I love Leslie Knope! If you don't know about Galentines Day...

But it's also Monday and I'm old and lame and don't like going out on school nights, so I put on my party pants (aka pajamas) and celebrated with the gals a little early with a good, old-fashioned sleepover!

Friday night after work, I dropped Molly off at my parents' house (She had been at daycare all day so she was nice and tired) and headed out to a friend's house.

We had game night with lots of board games and more food than anyone should ever eat. It was glorious! We split up into teams and played Obama Llama, Outburst, and Cards Against Humanity. Hilarity ensued! (But am I the only one that hates Cards Against Humanity? It literally makes me cringe!)

About half the girls went home after game night and the rest of us found a cozy spot to curl up and sleep. The next morning, when everyone finally woke up (I woke up at 6:30, per usual, and sat around and read until a normal hour), we made brunch and drank mimosas and chatted all about life some more.

It was a fun night and a great way to celebrate an early Galentines Day!

Hope you enjoy today and celebrate with the awesome friends in your life! Tomorrow is for lovers, but today is for the girls!

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Sunday Smiles

And you shall be my people, and I will be your God.
- Jeremiah 30:22

Thursday, February 9, 2017

I Graduated!

From therapy. I had my last official therapy session last week! There were hugs and tears and laughs and more tears.

Seriously, if you had told me that I would be in this place 2 years ago when I started therapy, I wouldn't have believed you. It's been a rocky road for sure, but I never thought that I would get to this place! Katherine told me to come up with one word that would describe how I felt at our first session vs how I felt at the last. For the first, I said scared (She said that she would have gone with terrified. Ha!) And for the last, I said open. Open to possibilities and opportunities. There are still a lot of things up in the air. Things that are unsettled. But I feel open to where the Lord is going to take me. There are definitely times that I wish I knew where that was, but until then, I'm willing to take things one step at a time to see where He leads.

Openness is good though. I feel as if I'm starting over, in a way- or at least rewinding the last 15 years or so. Trying to figure out who I am and what I like. And in the process, I may be trying some random things. I might as well try as much as possible so that I can rule things in and out! Feel free to offer some suggestions!

We left the session with an "act as if..." Katherine told me to act as if I were a badass. And to go out a flirt! That seems like a pretty good way to end therapy!