tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75259997434357093592024-03-13T10:41:57.919-05:00just jillianUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger526125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-64041812509548707402018-07-09T10:00:00.001-05:002018-07-09T10:00:11.625-05:00It's JulyIn case you weren't aware. Or you just slept through the past few days (which doesn't sound like such a bad idea...) I feel like just saying this makes me sound old, but this year is flying by! The new residents started this week so work has been interesting... It actually hasn't been too bad. I think with the new schedule and job description, I haven't been on the front line with the residents as much but this week has definitely been a different pace than the past few!<br />
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I feel like I always get sentimental in July. It's my birthday month so I start thinking about getting older and reflecting on the past year and how I've grown and where I want to be moving forward. The year is also halfway over so I've been doing some thinking on 2018 and taking a look back at some resolutions to see how I'm doing with those. I also just now realized that I never did a post about my 2018 New Year's Resolutions. That's the first time in a while. Oops!<br />
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So here they are (and how I'm doing with them)<br />
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1. <b>Run 365 miles.</b> It's just a mile a day. It doesn't seem that hard, right? Ha! I started the year off pretty strong. I was running fairly regularly and doing alright. Then my schedule changed and it got harder to find time to run. Then summer came and it's already like 90 degrees at 5am and running became even more of a challenge. I'm currently at 112 miles (I technically should be at about 190 right now), but I'm still planning to finish this. I've forced myself to start running again. I tell myself that if I can at least run a few miles right now then it will only get easier as the weather cools down, right? And I signed up for the <a href="https://rrs.racesonline.com/" target="_blank">road race series</a> again so that will help me a lot! As of now, I need to run 42 miles every month to finish it. Here goes nothing!<br />
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2. <b>Read through the Bible.</b> I'll be honest. I am failing at this. Miserably! Wow. It's bad. There are still 6 months left. I might be able to redeem it...<br />
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3. <b>Weekly date night. </b>Umm, I'll give us a solid B on this one. The rules were that we had date night once a week where we actually get out of the house and do something fun. I'm an introvert and especially after working all day, it's really easy to just hang out in sweats around the house but we wanted to start this early before life gets busy and other things get in the way so we're working on it.<br />
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4. <b>Pay off one student loan. </b>I started 2018 with 2 loans left to go and I have officially paid off one of them! My real goal is to have the other one paid off before I get married, but since I don't actually know when that's going to be it makes it hard to budget but that's the ultimate goal. I would really like to go into a new relationship without lingering debt. Also, I'm just so ready to be finished paying this every month!<br />
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5. <b>Read 36 books.</b> 3 per month. Totally doable. Right now, I've already<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/" target="_blank"> read 29 books</a>. This new schedule is definitely helping with the book reading!<br />
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6. <b>Pray daily.</b> Seriously?! Another major fail. I don't know why I am so bad at this, but I'm determined to get better!<br />
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7. <b>Build relationship with my sister. </b>Part of my introversion, and just personality in general, is that I am <i>terrible</i> at relationships! I am just not good at keeping in touch with people. And I hate talking on the phone 90% of the time. At the same time, I really want to have a good relationship with my sister and be close to her so I'm trying to do better about making an effort and actually picking up the phone and calling even when I just want to sit in a corner in silence...<br />
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8. <b>Girls group. </b>I'm not just talking about friendships. I'm talking about a solid, life-giving, ask the hard questions kind of group. I have experienced groups like this at various seasons of life and they were so. good. And I desire them so much. I've been praying about it and what exactly it looks like and how to go about embarking on it, but also I'm not good at staying connected so it's hard. See above.<br />
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9. <b>Journal weekly. </b>I'm not talking about blogging. I mean actually writing where I put all my thought and feelings and so many emotions on to paper. I want to remember all the things- the good and bad. But, nope. Definitely not. Another fail! I'm getting a little better about it though. I think...<br />
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How are you doing with your resolutions? Better than me, I'm sure!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-4526667631912299422018-07-02T10:00:00.000-05:002018-07-02T10:00:18.088-05:00Church SwapAlright so I'm back to searching for a church... I <a href="http://jillianpayne.blogspot.com/2015/02/spiritual-growth.html" target="_blank">left my last church in search of community</a> and first talked about <a href="http://jillianpayne.blogspot.com/2015/06/changes.html" target="_blank">finding a church</a> back in 2015. It has been an amazing community. My class and small group have provided me with real, life-giving, intentional relationships and, for that, I am thankful. But I also had <a href="http://jillianpayne.blogspot.com/2017/04/churchish.html" target="_blank">some issues</a>... Since I wrote that post last April, I did go to the Exploring Membership class. I was able to ask some questions, but overall I don't think I got the answers that I was looking for- or I did get answers that were a confirmation that this was not where I needed to be. When I was last looking for a church, my first priority was community and as long as they were preaching the gospel then I was content, but the longer that I was there, the more I felt like it was straying from that. I felt as if the gospel was getting watered down and there was more emphasis on political correctness than truth. It just got the point where I couldn't ignore it anymore.<br />
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I talked to the boy about it. I told him my reasons for feeling like it wasn't the church for me anymore. He listened and agreed with most of my reasons. And I am grateful for that because I felt very strongly about it and had decided to leave whether he was on board or not. But he supported my decision. After that we sat down and talked about what things we are looking for in a church and what our highest priorities are. It was a good conversation about seeing where we aligned and on which points we differed. But after coming up with our list of priorities, we narrowed down a few churches and have been visiting for the past few months. Our goal is to give each church 4-6 weeks to get a good feel for it. It is a little more difficult with my work schedule. There have been a few weeks where I have been able to sneak away for church and then go back to work afterwards and there have been some weeks where I'm super busy and he's had to go alone. Because of that, we definitely want a place where we both feel comfortable and at home. It's a journey, but I'm excited about it. Pray for us!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-63407687681419181812018-06-28T10:00:00.000-05:002018-06-28T10:00:03.443-05:00Girl TalkFriendships come and go. They change and evolve. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Although I don't always handle change well. I look at TimeHop everyday and I love the memories but there is always a bittersweet feeling around friendships. Whether it's marriage or children or moving, my friendships have changed over the years. But I am so thankful for true friends that have remained despite distance or just different seasons of life. I have grown so much and learned a ton from my friends over the years and I wouldn't change those times for anything.<br />
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Last fall/winter a few friends decided to do a monthly dinner so that we could try out some different restaurants around the city. A few weeks ago, we went for sushi. It was so fun to chat and laugh and catch up with these girls! Most of them are girls that I met from church and since I haven't been going there anymore (I don't think I ever wrote about that... Next post!) I feel like nights like this are that much more important to connect, but I still feel like things change too fast...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-62515905725092990002018-06-07T10:00:00.000-05:002018-06-07T16:49:51.817-05:00SingleSorry guys! I'm really bad at this whole blogging thing. I was hoping that I would get back into the flow of it, but it clearly hasn't happened yet. Work has been crazy busy which is usually when I try to sneak in some writing because when I get home I don't really do anything. And on my weeks off, I usually on the go. Or relaxing with Molly and don't really get on the computer. I've also been frustrated recently and can't really pinpoint it so I'm still trying to sort through some of my own feelings before I can put them out there.<br />
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But the real reason that I haven't been posting as much... I'm weirdly secretive/protective of my relationship. I think it's part of my walls. There are no pictures on social media and no real evidence out there. We've talked about it and he goes back and forth on his feelings about it, but he respects my decision. So that's where I am. The majority of the time, I'm either working or hanging out with him. I've blogged about work and I'm leaving him off of this so... sorry!<br />
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As I think through my hesitancy, I think part of it is a fear of abandonment- a desire for permanence. Feelings are big. And scary. And all over the place. I just want to be sure. I told him the other day (and many times before) that "you're single until you're married." I've been jokingly saying that for years. Feel free to quote me! :) I think the sentiment is real though. It's not to say that I am available to date other people, but more of a reminder not to let me head and my heart and feelings get ahead of the commitment! Guys, this is <i>so hard</i>! I have to constantly check myself and how I am handling things and not let my feelings and emotions run while. It's really fun to think about the future, but I'm reminding myself that I'm single. And I'll plan for the future when there is a future to plan for.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-79595289790038434562018-05-24T10:00:00.000-05:002018-05-24T10:00:09.771-05:007 on, 7 offWell, I said that I was going to talk about the new work schedule and when this post goes up I will be on day 6 of 10 so it may not be the best time, but overall I am still loving the schedule. For those that don't know, I work with a group of Internal Medicine hospitalists. They have always worked 7 days on and 7 days off and that's what I did when I first started here 5 years ago. We had that schedule for about a year, but then changed to Monday through Friday to optimize productivity, etc. I'll be honest, I never really liked that schedule. And I felt bad complaining about it because it is what most of the working world does, but it just isn't great for me. I'm an introvert through and through and I can turn it on and talk to patients and families and have hard conversations but by the end of the day, I'm spent and by the end of the week, I have nothing left to give. 2 days was not enough time for me to recover. Add to that, it also meant that I had to go shopping and get groceries on the weekends with everyone else when the stores were so crowded and I felt like I was always a little on edge. Not ideal!<br />
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Over the past few years, the hospital census has changed and the needs of the group have changed. The docs in the group have known that I wanted to go back to the 7 on, 7 off schedule for a while so as things were changing they discussed the possibility of a schedule change and I was all for it! We officially made the switch in February so I'm about 4 months in and still loving it. The whole system is a little hard to explain, but basically I'm on call from 8a-8p Monday-Sunday. Being at a teaching hospital complicates things a little. I hold the admission pager from 8-1 Monday through Friday then pass it to the residents but stay in the rotation for admissions until I have hit my admission cap. Then I have the pager again from 6:30-7:30p until night float residents come on and take over. Through the week, I'm pretty much inhouse the entire time. On the weekends, I'm usually in the hospital from 8-2 or 3, but then still take call until 7:30. And then at 8p on Sunday night, I turn the pager off and don't think about it again until the next Monday morning! It's glorious!<br />
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The 7 on is definitely unpredictable. Some days it is crazy busy and I walk into 5 admissions and keep running all day. Other days they just seem to trickle in, but I never know which it will be. And by day 5, I'm usually pretty beat. But the 7 days off more than makes up for it. I usually just relax on day 1, maybe try to do some laundry or something low key and then on day 2 I start to be productive- get groceries, clean the house, etc. Last week when I was off, I went to the dentist, the therapist, worked out a few days, had coffee with a friend, met the boy for lunch twice, and got to spend a lot of time snuggling with my puppy. (She goes to daycare on the weeks that I work.)<br />
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So overall, I'm loving it. And I definitely feel like it makes me feel like I can stick with this job for longer- especially since New York is off the table for now. My only concern with it is how sustainable it will be long term with a family and kids and stuff. But that's a long way off! So for now, I'm loving the schedule and enjoying every second of it!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-17116725163482558332018-05-21T10:00:00.000-05:002018-05-21T10:00:02.279-05:00Life UpdateSo I haven't written since October. That's over 5 months ago. Man, how life changes!<br />
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When I last left off, I had was super over work, had just applied for my NY nursing license and was about to hit up the Big Apple with Katie. Where do I even begin?<br />
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New York with Katie was amazing, per usual! We stayed at an AirBNB in the East Village which was a lot of fun to get a different experience, but also knew I wouldn't want to move there. Too many NYU students and just had a very college vibe to it. But otherwise it was a lot of fun! Most memorable moments: we went to the 911 memorial museum. I have been to the memorial a few times, but have never actually gone to the museum. It was intense. Very heavy and surreal! We talked about where we were when we first found out (Sophomore Spanish class) and then looked around at all these teenagers walking through the exhibits that weren't even alive when it happened. That was crazy to think about...<br />
MMM#2: We went on a literary pub crawl in Brooklyn. It was awesome! It definitely made me fall in love with Brooklyn, although transportation to and from the city isn't as easy as I had hoped. But we saw where Arthur Miller wrote <i>The Crucible</i> and had drinks at the bar Frank McCourt used to go to when he was teaching high school English (you know, before he wrote <i>Angela's Ashes</i>). It was all really neat.<br />
MMM#3: Hamilton! Do I need to say anything else?! It was even more incredible than I was expecting! While we were waiting to get in, this guy walked by with earbuds in singing along to the soundtrack. Then he turned and walked into the stage door. Once he was in, the security guard just casually said "he plays Hercules Mulligan" Umm what?! Not singing along to the soundtrack, working on his lines! The show was incredible! I sang along the entire time. The kid beside me did not seem to be too impressed. Oops!<br />
Oh, we also went and walked around NYU hospital. Just doing some investigative work. Wanted to see what a potential future workplace may look like... Overall, it was a great trip and I continued to fall in love with the city!<br />
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Soon after I got back home, I got my NY nursing license! One step closer! I then began to look at the NP application. It didn't seem too bad since it was really just transferring things to a different state. There was also talk at work about going back to the 7 on, 7 off schedule. It's what the docs do and what we did when I first started but we have been on a Monday through Friday schedule for a few years now. It's not my favorite and I think was contributing to my work burnout. The days are stressful and 2 days are just not enough time to recover. We ended up making the switch in February and it's been great. The weeks on are hard. I'm pretty spent by day 5, but 7 days off totally makes it worth it. I'll do a entire post on the switch and the new schedule.<br />
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But I didn't end up sending in my NY NP application because... about 2 weeks after I got back from the trip I started dating someone. We talked about everything pretty early on. He wasn't going to do long distance, but also didn't want me to resent him if I gave up New York for him. We talked about it a lot. I thought through what I wanted to do and ultimately decided that I loved New York and I wanted an adventure, but I also felt like part of the draw was that there was nothing tying me down to Memphis and if I was going to go then it had to be then. If I had a reason to stay, I felt like I needed to see it through.<br />
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So that's where things sit now. We are planning a trip to visit New York soon, but moving is currently on pause. We'll see what happens!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-23579655537260071222018-04-02T10:00:00.000-05:002018-04-02T13:17:53.472-05:00I've Missed ThisI haven't written in a while and to be honest, I've missed it. A lot. And I went back and read about what was going on the last time that I was writing consistently and so much has changed. So much! I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore, but I do occasionally like to go back and read how I was feeling throughout different periods of time so I'm going to try and continue writing- for posterity sake. It's not going to be regular and it probably won't be very frequent but it's going to happen- even if it's just for myself...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-48688472377012588142017-10-15T10:00:00.000-05:002017-10-15T10:00:21.414-05:00Sunday Smiles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.</i></div>
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<i>- Psalm 33:20-21</i></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-85794968542504522922017-10-12T10:00:00.000-05:002017-10-12T10:00:01.392-05:00Out of the OfficeBy the time this posts, I'll be walking the streets of New York! Actually, I land at 9:40 so when this posts I'll probably be walking the floors of La Guardia, but that's close enough! Katie and I are staying in an Air BnB in the Village so hopefully we'll get a good neighborhood vibe. I'll be back on Sunday night, so I'll post all about the adventures when I get back!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-57135709256116866372017-10-09T10:00:00.000-05:002017-10-09T15:00:45.765-05:00Word VomitAnother post of randomness...<br />
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I don't know if it's good or bad that nothing major is going on in life right now. I'll take it as a good sign.<br />
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* Ran 10 miles yesterday. It was miserable. Hot and muggy and So. Many. Hills! Who puts the steepest, hardest hill at mile 9. Sheesh! But I survived. Then Katie came over with Lucy (her dog) so that Molly and Lucy could entertain each other and we could crash on the couch all afternoon. Win, win!<br />
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* I have officially submitted all my paperwork for my NY nursing license. It will probably take 6-8 weeks before I hear anything. And I can't start applying for my NP license until I have my RN license so that part is a little bit at a standstill, but at least things are kind of moving forward. Now to start saving money...<br />
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* Speaking of saving money (or the exact opposite), Katie and I will be in New York this week! Just going up for a long weekend, but I'm super excited about it. People have asked if this is a scouting trip and it's not really. I'm going to check out some boroughs that I'm not super familiar with and spend some more time in Brooklyn to get a better feel for it. Maybe look at some commute times. But things are a little too up in the air for any more scouting right now. Maybe next time...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-82011138159268353012017-10-08T10:00:00.000-05:002017-10-08T10:00:15.906-05:00Sunday Smiles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.</i></div>
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<i>- Romans 10:13</i></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-85606099916294295052017-10-02T10:00:00.000-05:002017-10-04T05:45:29.009-05:00Mental Health DayWork's been rough. Life's been rough. I've been exhausted! I feel like I've been whining and rant-y in my last few posts, but that's kind of how I've been feeling lately. So before my head exploded, I decided to take a mental health day. Yes, I know that I'm going on vacation in 2 weeks, but I didn't think I could make it until then.<br />
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I took off on Friday. I needed some time to relax, but even more than that, I needed a productive day where I could get things done and make phone calls during business hours. Working Monday through Friday is for the birds!<br />
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I was up at the usual time because I had Friday morning Life Together group. We discussed scripture reading and prayer and singing and what that looks like in the context of community. And we just got to catch up on life, which is always so refreshing. After that, I headed home to grab a few things and pick up Molly for daycare. I thought about not taking her, but I knew I was going to have a busy day and figured she would have more fun playing with friends. After I dropped her off, I ran some errands. Went to the library, got gas, and got the tags renewed on my car- maybe for the last time... Then I headed to the greenline for my long run. The last race was a 10K and next week's is a 10-miler, so we decided getting one 8 mile run in would help ease the transition. 8 miles is not fun. But the greenline is shady, which was nice, and scenic. And it was just nice to run during the day. I needed the time to step away from everything and have nothing to think about except putting one foot in front of the other.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGTLt3BU-9RbvZRIeFUfAiNNHs7s9j9EVSlARqtD8HfHduqIGsxFMPFWsUr-0fmYRWnDMM3Sjmh4BGSm-GEbXd_UiGnJ75VOMroEEx1g8wd8EQxpabXCC3SkJ49V4EuJ7swnbhpYHZQvzq/s1600/10022017.greenline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGTLt3BU-9RbvZRIeFUfAiNNHs7s9j9EVSlARqtD8HfHduqIGsxFMPFWsUr-0fmYRWnDMM3Sjmh4BGSm-GEbXd_UiGnJ75VOMroEEx1g8wd8EQxpabXCC3SkJ49V4EuJ7swnbhpYHZQvzq/s400/10022017.greenline.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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It was slow and steady, but I made it. As long as I was moving. As soon as I finished, I felt pretty terrible for a while until my body readjusted. I ran to Target to return some things and hit up a few more places before heading home. I ate a little bit and rested before starting the rest of the to-do list.<br />
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Then I got busy knocking some things out. Did some yardwork (I love my trees, but it's a constant project) and did some Spring cleaning- deep cleaning. And I started to do some decluttering. I haven't finished totally going through my closets, but I'm trying to go through everything and get rid of as much as I can!<br />
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I hung out with Molly for a little bit in the afternoon before going to game night with friends. Overall, it was a pretty good day. Not relaxing at all really, but I got some things done that needed to get accomplished and then I didn't feel bad about being lazy-ish on Saturday. Everyone needs a mental health day every once in a while!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-48297392856105079092017-10-01T10:00:00.000-05:002017-10-03T05:25:09.208-05:00Sunday Smiles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://acurvygirlsjourney.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/psalms-1611.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="640" src="https://acurvygirlsjourney.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/psalms-1611.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.</i></div>
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<i>- Psalm 16:11</i></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-71378120621772446862017-09-28T10:00:00.000-05:002017-10-02T05:44:36.699-05:00MindfulnessLast weekend at church, we did a mindfulness exercise. You are supposed to envision yourself on a hike with a backpack full of things from the past. The backpack is weighing you down so you stop and rest. You unload everything from your backpack. Then you have to decide what to put back before you continue on your way. It was more elaborate, with more details, than that, but that was the gist of it.<br />
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Afterwards, we discussed everything. What the path we were on looked like. The place where we chose to stop and rest. What we took out of our backpack. And what we chose to put back in. How we felt walking the rest of the trail with a lighter pack.<br />
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Most everyone said they took rocks out of their packs. Some of the rocks had words. Others were just representations of things from the past. And as they chose what to return to their backpack and continue on the journey with, everyone felt lighter- as if a weight had literally been lifted from them.<br />
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Except me. My vision was very different from the others. I was walking along a path, as everyone was, and my backpack was heavy. But when I stopped to rest and unload my bag, I didn't pull on rocks. I pulled out people. Past friendships and relationships and all their baggage as well. I also pulled out objects that represented things from the past or even feelings about hard things. I should have felt a lot better after that. The load should have been much lighter. But as I sat there trying to decide what to leave behind and what to take with me, I was frozen. I knew the things that I needed to leave. There were plenty of things that were dragging me down. But I also didn't know how to leave those things. I felt like they were part of me and I didn't know who I was without them. So instead of packing up and moving forward, I stayed behind. I stayed stuck in the moment of rest trying to decide what I could go forward without and who I would be without those things.<br />
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And that's where I feel like I am in life right now. Frozen in time, unable to move forward. I feel as if I'm tethered to a bungee cord. I can only move forward so far. At a certain point, it starts getting harder to move against the tension of the cord. And then it becomes impossible, until eventually it will shoot me backwards and I'll be back where I started. The things is, I have the key to release myself, but I just can't do it. I don't know why. And I do know why all at the same time. But that doesn't make it any easier.<br />
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I have been praying through this for a while. The struggles continue and so do the prayers. Join me. Pray for me. Pray with me. Ask me how I'm doing with all this. (I may or may not answer...)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-41874492327420691822017-09-25T10:00:00.001-05:002017-09-30T20:39:12.408-05:00The King and IAnd other craziness...<br />
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I mentioned that we got season tickets to the Orpheum this year and the first show was The King and I. The show was on Thursday night and I was super excited about it, but already really tired going into the day and knew that it was going to be a long day. Work was really busy and stressful that day and I was running 800 miles a minute by the time I left work- later than I had planned. I picked up Molly from daycare, fed her while I changed clothes and then met them for dinner. Dinner was great and then we headed downtown for the show. It was great. I hadn't seen The King and I before. I knew the basic storyline, but wasn't as familiar with this show as I am with the others this season so that was fun. I also really like our seats. We are in the mezzanine, and right on the aisle so we were able to sneak out quickly at intermission and make it to the bathroom before there was a line. Score! But the show didn't start until 7:30 and it was 3 hours long! I came home and immediately went to bed.<br />
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Friday was another crazy day and I had plans that night so Molly went to daycare again. Work was crazy busy again and I was running all over the place and left late again. I was tired. And frustrated. And just wanted to go home and curl up on the couch with a book, but alas, that wasn't an option. I had to go to a friend's birthday party. Confession: I was really tempted to bail, but she made reservations at a restaurant and they charge if the number of people don't show up, so I felt like I was stuck! It was fine when I actually got there. It was just gaining the motivation to go. We started out at a distillery downtown. I have never been before but had heard good things. I wasn't impressed. The views were amazing! But the drink options weren't that great and they close super early. Womp, womp! After drinks, we headed to dinner. Reservations weren't until 8:15 and I was starving by the time we finally sat down. Dinner was good though. There were so many people there so I talked to approximately 4 people that were closest to me at the table (none of them being the birthday girl). Some people went out afterwards, but I was ready for bed! Another night where I came home and went straight to bed... again!<br />
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By Saturday, I was spent! Molly woke me up at 5 to go outside so I got up and got her up and then fed her breakfast. Then I curled up on the couch and went back to sleep for a few hours. Molly never usually goes to daycare 2 days in a row so she was pretty wiped out too! She curled up on the couch with me without complaint. I'm pretty sure that I slept off and on <i>all</i> day! I also watched the new season of Fuller House on Netflix! It was a relaxing day. And I needed it after the past week. I was running on empty and don't think that I could have kept it up for much longer!<br />
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But I also feel like work has been crazy busy and stressful and I have 7 million things on my to-do list and I needed to be productive on the weekends. But I just couldn't. Ugh!<br />
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Okay, rant over.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-5801885492476145122017-09-24T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-24T10:00:08.281-05:00Sunday Smiles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/fc/32/c6/fc32c61b05b112487b63db2c881042f6--matthew--powerful-prayers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="736" data-original-width="736" height="640" src="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/fc/32/c6/fc32c61b05b112487b63db2c881042f6--matthew--powerful-prayers.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>And going a little farther, He fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not as I well, that she will."</i></div>
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<i>- Matthew 26:39</i></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-78998023069444098092017-09-21T10:00:00.001-05:002017-09-21T10:00:23.973-05:00All. The. Things.A lot has happened in the past few weeks. And most of it has been running. Ha!<br />
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I signed up with some friends for the <a href="https://rrs.racesonline.com/" target="_blank">Road Race Series</a>. I've done the Off-Road series for a few years now, but have never wanted to commit to the RRS because the races are long and they early. Okay, maybe I'm just lazy. But some friends were signing up and so... peer pressure. Also, I thought it would actually force me to train for the St Jude Half.<br />
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There are 2 races at each distance. The 5Ks were in July. I only ran the first one because the second was the day after my birthday and that just wasn't going to happen! There were 2 5-milers in August and the 10Ks are this month. We ran the first one on the 10th and the next one is this Sunday. Again with the laziness... I can tell you that I definitely wouldn't be doing these without friends to encourage me. But I do feel so much better after running! After the first 10K, we decided that we needed to get serious about training. I'm in shape enough to run a 5K, or even 5 miles, without much forethought, but the 10-milers are in October and that may need a little more preparation. So Katie and I decided to run. We met up to run after work one day and it was hot and muggy and hilly and not fun, but I'm glad we did it. Last Friday night was the Cooper Young 4-miler. It's always a lot of fun and this year was no exception. And I actually felt pretty good running it. Although, it also would have been fun to just walk the whole thing and take drinks from people. I'm pretty sure I would have been wasted by the end of the 4 miles. They were people handing out beer and jello shots and vodka-soaked gummy bears and fireball shots and so. much. more. Sheesh! Memphis Made did make a cream ale for after the race called Mile 5 which was pretty light and tasty. Katie and I stayed around after the race to drink some beer and eat some pizza. Then we ended up watching the awards. Man, I feel so slow and out of shape after that! We don't have a chance of getting an award until we're like 60!<br />
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The next day was <a href="http://cooperyoungfestival.com/" target="_blank">Cooper Young Fest</a>! It's one of my favorites! I woke up and did some things around the house before my mom came over and then we got ready to head down for round 1. Now that Jamie moved back to Michigan, I don't have guaranteed free parking. Womp, womp! But we found a spot pretty close. The festival was fun, as always, but So. Hot! We stayed down for about 2 hours and grabbed some lunch at the Beauty Shop because their guac is my favorite! So, so good. After the first go round, I went back home to cool off and take a nap. Katie picked me up around 3pm for round 2. Still super hot! We headed to Mempops first for a refreshing popsicle- that melted all over my shirt and legs and shoes. I felt like a little kid on a summer day! We ran into a few friends and grabbed a beer to continue cooling off. Then Jennifer met up with us. We walked around some more and drank some more beer before heading to dinner. I stuck with water at dinner and downed quite a few glasses.<br />
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Sunday morning, Katie and I had talked about getting a run in. I woke up at my usual time, but kind of hoped that she had forgotten. She hadn't. So I picked her up and headed to the greenline for 6 miles. It was... okay. I don't think we spoke to each other at all other than her saying that we were at 3 miles and it was time to turn around. Otherwise, we were in the zone! I started having some muscle twitching at about mile 4.5. By mile 5, I was hurting around my left knee. Katie started to slow her pace some, but I knew that if I slowed down, I might not make it the last mile so I picked up the pace and just tried to finish. I tried to stretch really well so we'll see how things feel. I ran Tuesday morning and everything felt okay. It wasn't as long though, but hopefully it was just a twinge.<br />
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Afterwards, we ran home and showered before church. I made it through church, but then I was struggling to keep my eyes opened. I'm pretty sure I just lied around on the couch napping off and on all afternoon. My whole body was just worn out from going all weekend in the heat! I also realized that I was <i>super</i> dehydrated this weekend! I only went to the bathroom every 12 hours or so from Friday night through Monday morning and I usually go every 2-3 hours. So I should really watch my water-to-beer intake when I'm going to be running and walking around in the heat all weekend. Oops! It was a fun weekend though!<br />
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And tonight, we are going to see The King and I. Katie, Brittany, and I got season tickets to the <a href="https://orpheum-memphis.com/" target="_blank">Orpheum</a> this year and the first show is tonight. Should be fun!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-58457756635994948292017-09-18T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-18T10:00:06.110-05:00Belated 901First of all, apparently Memphis is the only place that celebrates it's area code. Other cities are really missing out on an excuse to celebrate!<br />
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901 Day is a big deal around here though! I was supposed to go to a 901 Day party on September 1, but it got postponed because of rain. (Coincidentally, it stormed hard Thursday night, but the weather was actually pretty nice on Friday). But we Memphians don't just miss an opportunity to celebrate so the 901 Day party was moved to the 8th. So last Friday, my friends and I went out for the celebration, which included a popup tent of all things 901, fun drinks and games, and a ball drop at 9:01 to kick off a glow-in-the dark dance party! Yes, you read that right.<br />
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It was a lot of fun. We were all pretty tired after work, so we initially planned on it being an early night. Spoiler alert: plans changed. We went out to Railgarten around 6 and immediately ran into some other friends.<br />
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We got something to drink and did a little shopping and got an "Embrace your Inner Memphis" shirt that I think will look really good in Brooklyn... ;)<br />
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We eventually decided that we were hungry and grabbed some dinner, another drink, and a table. We sat and listened to some music and did some prime people watching! And of course, ran into many other people that we knew!<br />
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At 9, we made our way into the Ping-Pong bar to get decked out with our glow sticks before the dance party started. Once the music started and we started dancing, we knew there was no way we were leaving early. Oops! I also ran into some more people. And 10 days later, I'm still working through my feelings on it, so I'm just going to leave it alone for now. Or just privately journal about it. Blah!<br />
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Other than that minor hiccup that had my mind racing more than usual, it was a great day. We danced the night away, which is <i>always</i> a good time and celebrated a glorious 901 day!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-12632311549090657892017-09-17T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-17T10:00:15.467-05:00Sunday Smiles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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{<a href="http://www.godswordimages.com/wallpaper/wisdom/hosea-6-6/" target="_blank">Source</a>}</div>
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<i>For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.</i></div>
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<i>- Hosea 6:6</i></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-22829623082643232852017-09-14T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-14T10:00:15.481-05:00First Friday and Other Weekend ShenanigansThis was supposed to be a post about dinner, but September is a busy month so I'm combining some things. I'll just talk about the weekend in general...<br />
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Last Thursday, we got heavy rains and winds from Harvey leftovers. The power flashed at my house, but came back within a few minutes. My friend, Katie, wasn't as lucky. The power went off at her house from a neighbor's tree that hit the power line so she and her puppy came and crashed at my house for the night. Molly really like having a playmate! If I didn't want to move into a 400 sq.ft. studio apartment, I might think about getting another dog...<br />
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Friday morning, I have been meeting with 3 friends to go through Bonhoeffer's book <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Life-Together-Exploration-Christian-Community/dp/0060608528/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504696789&sr=8-1&keywords=life+together+by+dietrich+bonhoeffer" target="_blank">Life Together</a>. It's about Christian community and it's so good and so challenging! It is causing us to reevaluate our ideas about what community looks like and how we interact and engage with each other. It was a beneficial time, as usual.<br />
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Then I went to work... it was <a href="http://jillianpayne.blogspot.com/2017/09/anxiety.html" target="_blank">rough</a>! I just struggled to make it through the day. After work, I ran home and took a quick nap because I was so emotionally exhausted before meeting some friends at Alchemy for happy hour. I don't remember what I got to drink, but it was pretty tasty. They stayed and hung out, but I peaced to go pick up Molly from daycare and go home and get ready for the evening festivities.<br />
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I was talking to some friends a little while ago about all the delicious places that we haven't been to eat. I decided to start monthly dinners so that we could cross some of those places of the list. This month, we went to <a href="http://bountyonbroad.com/" target="_blank">Bounty on Broad</a>. I told them that since I don't go on dates, I was dressing up for girls night. It is amazing!<br />
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The food is incredible and it's all family style so it's not a good date place anyway. We just ordered a bunch of things and passed everything around. Everything I ate was amazing and we left stuffed!<br />
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While Bounty was great and a lot of fun, it wasn't very conducive to deep, meaningful conversations. I had a hard week, but it seemed like a lot of friends were struggling this week too so Saturday we decided to have a girls night in. I threw on yoga pants and an oversized shirt before running to Kroger for wine and ice cream. If you're going to have girls night, you might as well do it right! We made dinner and talked about the struggles of the week. We were able to commiserate with and encourage each other. It was a much needed night! We tried to watch a movie that night too, but technology was not on our side so we decided to reschedule...<br />
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For the next day! After church we decided to try again for movie night. This time Redbox saved us from technology mishaps and we rented Table 19. It was a cute chick flick- the perfect movie to sit back and laugh and not have to think. We watched the movie, drank fruity beer, and watched the puppies play before heading off to bed.<br />
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Monday was Labor Day! A glorious day off of work. Molly and I had a lazy morning around the house before I motivated myself to go for a run. The weather has been great so it was actually a nice run. I even did some speed work! After a cool down walk with Molly, I decided to go ahead and buckle down and do some yardwork. Between the storm and just general foliage, my yard needed it! I think I may have to start using the leaf blower weekly if I want to stay on top of this for fall! After all that, I did a little cleaning inside before getting in the shower, while Molly crashed on the couch! Eventually, I got up and went to the grocery store and ran some other errands to get ready for the (shortened) work week.<br />
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It was a great weekend. The perfect mix of fun, relaxing, and productive! I could use more 3-day weekends in my life!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-56122411114730401752017-09-11T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-11T10:00:25.177-05:00September 11It seems weird to post a happy post about food and friends on September 11, so I'm putting that off yet again. It's coming though, I promise!<br />
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I've been reflecting on things today. The World Trade Center was hit in 2001. That's 16 years ago. It seems so long ago and so recent all at the same time. I was a sophomore in high school. Sitting in Spanish class when it happened. I was about to go to Art when they made an announcement overhead. All my classrooms had the news on all day. I saw all the devastation and the tragedy, but there was still a part of it that seemed far away.<br />
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A few months later, I started dating a guy that told me pretty early on that he was planning to join the Marines Corp. Things started to hit a little closer to home. Then March 2003, I went to New York for the first time. We went to ground zero. There were still barricades and construction tape up. There was scaffolding lining the sidewalks that were covered in photos of loved ones lost. It was heartbreaking. The city was bustling around it, but there was a heaviness surrounding this. Seeing it in person definitely brought things even closer. When I went back to New York last September, there was the memorial and the museum. There were plenty of tourists just walking around, but there was also family members searching for specific names. One step closer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhkSn1ETeaptPuxCWcSJM8mWHxffoJvimNZOmRn-gSs_E2wOPXFfn4_555mJSbl3SgiTL3uetGZIDd8IORF0qDDl7nvwjhnv5AY3TYBVbHAwoKjh-bHOu5uE9ieFw_g-PCdLx3jc0pqtYd/s1600/10172016.twin+tower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhkSn1ETeaptPuxCWcSJM8mWHxffoJvimNZOmRn-gSs_E2wOPXFfn4_555mJSbl3SgiTL3uetGZIDd8IORF0qDDl7nvwjhnv5AY3TYBVbHAwoKjh-bHOu5uE9ieFw_g-PCdLx3jc0pqtYd/s400/10172016.twin+tower.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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As I get older, I get more reflective. I have friends and family that have fought in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have friends from the Middle East and friends that are living in the Middle East. And now as I contemplate moving to New York, things are even closer to home. Quite literally. It's a solemn day. But also what a reminder that God is bigger than this world! I hope you will use this day as a reminder to pray. Pray for the families that lost loved ones in the tower. Pray for police and fireman and everyone in the Armed Forces that are serving and defending us. Pray for those overseas that are spreading the love of Jesus even for fear of repercussions. Pray for the Christians in the Middle East that they may have an influence on those around them. Pray for the hearts of those that don't know Jesus- that there hearts may be softened and their ears tuned to hear His voice. Pray for your friends and family. Pray for your neighbors. Pray for your enemies. Pray that God's kingdom will indeed come, on Earth as it is in Heaven!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-19269458276589404962017-09-10T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-10T10:00:15.983-05:00Sunday Smiles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/versesproject/verses/097/577/matthew-5-3-6_desktop_medium.jpg?2013" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/versesproject/verses/097/577/matthew-5-3-6_desktop_medium.jpg?2013" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="800" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
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{<a href="http://theversesproject.com/verses/97/Matthew-5.3-6" target="_blank">Source</a>}</div>
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<i>Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied.</i></div>
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<i>- Matthew 5:3-6</i></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-22770978052128490412017-09-07T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-08T06:04:31.188-05:00AnxietyI was going to talk about my relaxing Labor Day weekend, but then this came up and I decided to address it first. I had really bad anxiety last week. I've never really dealt with anxiety before. Depression- that's another story. Depression I understand. I know the feeling of the dark cloud hanging over you. A heavy weight pressing down on your shoulders- that I know. Depression is like a distant relative that comes to visit periodically and always overstays its welcome. But anxiety- I've never really dealt with that. Until last week.<br />
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And it sucks! I felt slightly nauseated all week. And a little shaky. It got worse as the week went on. I started to feel as if I were claustrophobic. Like the walls were closing in on me and there was nothing I could do about it.<br />
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Friday was the worst. I wanted to listen to music at work, hoping that it would take my mind off things. But I was also worried that the music was going to make me cry. I felt like I was always one step away from the tears flowing. One small thing would push me over the edge. I rounded on patients as fast as I could so that I could hide in my office in case I started to cry or have a panic attack or something. While working, I had to get up from my desk and pace around the office and look out the window multiple times so that it didn't feel like things were so tight! It was like this constant feeling that the other shoe was about to drop. Like the bottom was going to drop out. I didn't even realize that I was holding my breath as I was leaving work until I got to my car and was finally able to exhale.<br />
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Driving home from work on Friday, my arms felt heavy. It's a hard thing to describe. It was like they were made of lead and too heavy to lift. But they also felt like jello. It was like I had no control over them. It was pretty scary driving home and not knowing what was going to happen or how long the feeling would last.<br />
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But then I got home and took a nap because I was emotionally spent! When I woke up, I felt great! I was relaxed and the weekend was wonderful! Which is great, but that also means that I know what was causing all the anxiety and the triggers aren't going away anytime soon. Ugh! Deep breaths!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-33630414305501069092017-09-04T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-07T06:07:31.632-05:00Labor DayHappy Labor Day! This weekend has been super relaxing and friend-filled, which was exactly what I needed after last week. I'll write more about that later, but for now I'm enjoying the day off and snuggling on the couch with Molly!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7525999743435709359.post-42582670734476764052017-09-03T10:00:00.000-05:002017-09-06T05:21:48.671-05:00Sunday Smiles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/dc/01/3b/dc013b1eb5ef80a7e7fa5d56333ab37f--god-jesus-jesus-girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="736" data-original-width="736" height="640" src="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/dc/01/3b/dc013b1eb5ef80a7e7fa5d56333ab37f--god-jesus-jesus-girl.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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{<a href="https://nl.pinterest.com/explore/isaiah-60-1/?lp=true" target="_blank">Source</a>}</div>
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<i>Arise, shine, for your light has come, and glory of the Lord rises upon you.</i></div>
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<i>- Isaiah 60:1</i></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0