Thursday, December 5, 2013

Fog

I haven't written in a while. And honestly it's because there hasn't been much to write. I have started some posts a couple of times about all different things and just couldn't finish them. None of them seemed "worth writing." Life's been hard. And I wish I could say that I was on the other side of it. That I had made it through and had all this overflowing wisdom to share with you, but I can't. I still feel as if I'm right in the middle of the fog.

But today was a good day. And I'm hoping that each day will get better and things will get easier.

My small group recently started a chronological study of the Bible and it has been really good. It has reminded me that God is patient with me. And that He won't leave me- even when others will. When Adam and Eve hide, God pursued them. When Joseph was in prison and at his darkest, God was there with him. Yesterday, I was re-reading some of Moses's story. The Israelites have left Egypt. God has guided them and protected them. Now He tells them to stop and camp while He lets the Egyptians come after them. He does this because He is a b-a and wants to show the people His glory (That's pretty much a straight quote...). So the Egyptians are chasing them and the Israelites are scared. And then in Exodus 14:14 Moses says the words that stopped me in my tracks. The words that I had to read at least 2 or 3 times...
Now this is not a call to be lazy. This is not an excuse to not act and say that you are just waiting for the Lord to act. But if you know me at all. Hell, if you've ever talked to me for more than 5 minutes, you know that I am kind of a control freak. If I could micromanage every single aspect of my life (and yours too), I would probably do it. The past few weeks months, I have felt as if trying to control things was like grasping at unraveling threads. There was no "try harder" or "do more." My try wasn't hard enough. My do wasn't good enough. More still wasn't working. And reading those words, were as if God was saying to me, "Stop. Just be still." But even more than that, He was saying that being still wasn't giving up. It wasn't surrendering. I still had a piece in the fight. And it was way better than anything that I could bring to the battle on my own. He is fighting for me!

Then today... I had just finished reading some and praying and I turned on Pandora and the first song that came on was Laura Story's I Can Just Be Me. I think I've probably heard it before today, but if I have I can't remember. And so I sat there, listening to the words of the song, and one line into the song and the tears started flowing. It echoed perfectly what God had spoken to me in Exodus 14:14. The need to give up control. The fact that I am in total need of Him every moment of every day. Lord, I need you now to be, be my God so I can just be me!
Listen for yourself...

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Take That, Susan G!

It's October. Everyone's favorite time of the year. Well, I have a few confessions:

1. I don't really like I've never had a pumpkin spice latte. And I don't really like pumpkin flavor that much.
2. I'm not a big fan of boots and sweaters and scarves so I'll be rocking it in leggings and sweats and parkas until March.
3. It makes me really sad that it's getting cold.
4. I've already busted out the electric blanket in my office at work. Trying to hold off on the space heater at home, but it's only a matter of time...

But that's not what the post is about. It's not about fall and the weather and football (just a couple weeks until Memphis Madness which in my mind is the official start of basketball season anyway). This post is about October. Breast cancer awareness month. I'm not an oncologist or anything, but I see cancer pretty frequently. Not breast cancer, of course. Those people don't come to the hospital. But other cancers. So in honor of breast cancer awareness, I thought I would share some things. The number one cause of death in America is heart disease. (So be sure to rock red in February for America Heart Association month). Cancer is number 2. The number one cancer killer in America is lung cancer. In fact, Mrs. Komen herself died from mets to her lungs (although cancer is classified by the primary tumor).

But breast cancer awareness is really important. And the next time you are cleaning with your cute little pink vacuum that you just HAD to have to "support the cause" make sure you stop and do a self breast exam...

* Don't send hate mail. It's not that I don't support breast cancer. I just think it's all a little overkill. Don't just slap a stupid, pink ribbon on a box of macaroni and cheese and call it awareness. And don't even get me started on Angelina Jolie...

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Tears

Sometimes tears are good.
They mean that you feel something.
Tears are conviction.
And conviction is from the Holy Spirit.

My mind races, especially when I drive, so I sometimes send myself voice memos to listen to later. That is the message that I left for myself last night. I just listened to it. And I can hear the hurt in my voice. I can hear the pain through the tears. And I can hear Michael Buble's Home playing on the radio in the background.

Monday, September 30, 2013

I Made It

...Kind of. I made it through the end of September, even if I didn't keep my original goal of blogging everyday. I made it 25 days out of 30 so that's not too shabby. And I learned that a. I don't have things to write about everyday which is so ok and b. that I like to write things down and get them out of my head even if I am not the most eloquent writer. After all, this is really just for me!

In case you missed it, once I decided that I was going to write everyday for a month, I have posted about pretty much everything under the sun. Some posts were shorter than others. And some days were more productive. Sometimes the topics weren't very deep. Some days I struggled with how much to share. There were cryptic posts and some were more straight-forward. I did a blast from the past. I started running again and ran the Cooper Young 4-miler. I posted on everything from DITL posts from a work day and a play day and juicing and other soapboxes. I wished my dad a happy birthday and I discussed blogging and some of my virtual favorites.

The month ended on a great note! I got to leave work at a normal time. Thanks to the rain cooling things off, it was the perfect weather for a run! And then I made it to the gym to lift! Tomorrow is a new month (with new residents)... Onward!

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Take 2

Remember when everyone on facebook was doing those "25 things you don't know about me" forever ago? Well, I just found mine. From February 7, 2009. So I thought it would be fun to revisit it. See how much things have changed and if there is anything worth adding (which there probably isn't). So here it goes, 4 years later...

1. I have an obsessive compulsive personality but I don't have OCD. I have a to do list for everyday. it currently goes to july 18th. it has everything on it--including making my bed and brushing my teeth. I like to cross things off. my underwear is folded and color-coded. I can't help it. it makes things more efficient.
haha! yes, I most certainly do still have an obsessive compulsive personality. In some ways, it's gotten even worse. And then the pendulum swings between obsessions and compulsions. Compulsions are okay. I can play them off as cute quirks, but the obsession are what keep me up at night. Blah!

2. I don't understand music. I just don't have an ear for it. I don't own an ipod. I've never bought a cd. I've only recently started to really like it...
I will say now that I like music. So that's an improvement, right? But I still don't have any music or anything. The radio has free music. Why do I need to pay for it? And as far as who sings which songs... don't even ask me! I care about what's going on in my friends' lives, but why do I need to know what is happening in celebrities lives that I don't know? On that note, I couldn't tell you which Kardashian is which...

3. it takes me a long time to open up to people. I don't let people in very much. this usually makes people think I'm shy--until they get to know me.
Truth. I would like to think that this has gotten better, but I don't know if is has or not...

4. I hate capitalizing things. I don't know why. I just don't like the way it looks.
4a. when I type parentheses I type the open and closed ones first then go back and type inside.
I do capitalize things now. See, I can change. But I do still do the parenthesis thing ()

5. I drink because I like the taste. I have never been drunk. I don't like the idea of not being in control. I do enough stupid things sober.
I have control issues. I am working on them. (Not by getting drunk. Just in general.) But yes, I do enough stupid things sober that I don't need the help of alcohol.

6. I am sensitive to a fault. I think I cry more than the average person. probably about once a week. because I keep a wall up, most people don't know. I am more compassionate than some people think.
There's no think about it. I definitely cry more than the average person. And it may be more than once a week. But I'm okay with it. I think as my walls are slowly coming down, more people know about it though.

7. I LOVE memphis basketball! I wear blue on game days. I can't watch the games sitting down. watching basketball takes me back to cheerleading days...
I am not quite as fanatic as I was in 2009, but I do still love memphis basketball and may have gotten in one or 2 relationship arguments about my need to drop everything and watch a game. Oops!
8. I love learning. I love being in school. I am a huge nerd and I’m okay with it.
Still 100% true. It's kinda weird to think that I haven't been in any sort of school in 3 years. Some ideas running through my head include getting my doctorate or going back and getting a second degree in something totally random (maybe math). I've also thought about subbing on my off weeks just so I can get back in the classroom.

9. there are things about me that no one knows. not a single person. that makes me sad.
I am working on it. I am opening up more. I'm really trying.  But this one is still true. There are still things that no one knows...

10. Kanakuk is one of the greatest places on earth. it has been a part of my life since 1995. I can’t imagine not being there this summer. I have been so blessed to serve alongside the most amazing guys and girls ever. I hope they know how much they mean to me.
I haven't been to kamp in 5 years. That's crazy! I still miss those early morning mutt-n-maids that ended with hours at the lake, the deep conversations that took place while washing dishes, moments of escape in the walk-in freezer, kitchie dock days, having hundreds of guys moo while waiting on their nightly milk, one-on-ones with kampers, game playing during FOB, early morning prayer time with co, and lifelong friendships formed! 

11. I talk to myself--most of the time. one time I was sitting downstairs and my brother came down and asked who else was home. I was just talking out loud.
I still talk to myself all the time. I have thought about recording my conversations that I have while driving so I can go back and listen to it and see if it even makes any sense. Probably not!    

12. I’ve always hated having a summer birthday. it all started august 31, 1992—the first day of first grade. I walked into class and john trussell had the birthday cake hat sitting on his desk. I never got to wear the birthday cake hat. one year, my whole family was out of town—except me. my kids birthdays are going to be hardcore.
100% yes. Birthdays are still a sore spot for me. I'm 27. I should probably get over it. Maybe I will one day. But this year wasn't it. Still hard.

13. I don’t have puppy love crush stories. when I like someone, I fall hard and fast. it causes me to get hurt a lot but it’s also caused incomprehensible joy.
I still sometimes wish that it weren't true. But yeah. Hard. And. Fast. 

14. I am a morning person. I'm more productive in the morning. I like to have time to myself before I have to face the world. for class, I wake up by 5. other days, by 7.
If I had it my way, I would still be a morning person. Insomnia kind of messed things up. But I do like to get up and get things going in the morning. I feel like my whole day is more productive if I can get up and getting going.

15. I've never really known what I wanted to do with my life--until nursing school. now I know that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
It's fun to read that. And after working for 3 years now I can honestly say that I still love what I'm doing. Every single day.

16. when I have a problem and I'm upset about it, I don't want someone to tell me that it's going to be okay. I want someone to hug me and say that even if it's not okay, they are going to be there.
Truth! See below about the quality time and physical touch thing. I just want someone to be there. I know things aren't always going to be okay how I picture them to be.

17. I love having new clothes but I hate clothes shopping. many shopping trips have ended in tears and frustration. if I had all the money in the world, I would have a personal shopper to pick things out for me (well first I would get a chauffeur, then a personal shopper).
17a. I like buying things on sale and getting good deals but hate searching through racks or clutter to find them. I like to be able to see what’s available.
Ugh! Shopping is miserable! I seriously hate it and may or may not have cried in the dressing room on more than one occasion.

18. I'm not the person I was in high school. I hate it when people treat me like I am. sometimes I miss high school though... I miss freshman year and backyard burger with the wrestling team. I miss basketball games (the student section just isn't the same anymore). I miss leaving school senior year and hanging out with friends or going to shelby farms until I was exhausted and ready for bed. still, I've grown up and matured.
I'm on the planning committee for my 10-year high school reunion. Wow! How has it been that long? And thankfully, I am not the same person!

19. my love languages are quality time and physical touch. sometimes I think this make me the neediest person ever.
Yes and yes. I want someone hanging out with me and touching me at all times! Or until the introvert comes out and I want to be alone...

20. I am really picky... about clothes, food, boys, everything. I can't help it. I just know what I like. I'm not willing to settle. that being said, I'm scared to death that I will be single forever.
I've never had a pickle, Twinkies, Easy Mac, bologna. I don't really like milk. Or cheese by itself. Cheerios is the only cereal that I eat (or have ever eaten aside from Fruit Loops- without milk). So yes, I guess you could say that I'm still picky. And still not willing to settle. But not scared that I'll be single forever. Maybe I will be. 

21. my extended family is super close. even though my cousins live all over the country-from north carolina to la and up to alaska, we are definitely closer than the average family. it's our moms' fault. they are awesome!
Still super close. For better or for worse. We like to think that we are a mixture of the Walkers from Brothers and Sisters and the Bravermans from Parenthood.

22. no matter what people say and how much I have learned from my mistakes, I have regrets.
Yep. Still have regrets. A lot more than I had in 2009 probably. But I have learned am learning from my mistakes.

23. I love to dance! in public (public being like the grocery store not like on a stage) when music comes on, I feel compelled to dance (even if it's in a commercial). I think that's why I don't understand music for music's sake (see #2) I see music as a beat to dance to. 
Oh yes. I still dance in random, inappropriate places. But not so much in normal places...

24. when I get lonely, I plan my wedding. I don't know why it is. it's almost finished. I'm still waiting on the groom. don't ask me about it. I won't tell.
I have no logical reason for any of this. I just do it. What can I say? I have a problem. I also have 12 wedding boards on Pinterest. Oops! But since super crazy short engagements are the "thing" these days, I guess it works in my favor. Also, I'm kind of a huge wedding critic. I don't mean to be, but it just happens...

25. I wrote this in a word document first. then I revised it and had to cut down to the top 25. then I rearranged them to make sure they were in the right order. I had to make sure there weren't similar ones next to each other. (see #1)
ps. posting this was on the to do list for today.
I did not write this in a word document, but posting it was on the to do list today! Neurotic, but loveable. ha!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Pay Day

Today is pay day. I get paid on my off weeks so it's almost like I get paid for doing nothing. Almost... Until I go back to work on Monday morning and remember what I really am getting paid to do. I have my entire budget on an Excel spreadsheet (like pretty much every other aspect of my life). One pay day, I do absolutely nothing. And it makes me feel like I actually have money. Then the next pay day, I pay all my bills and just like that the money is gone. Today was one of the bill paying days. Rent, utilities, car, loans, credit card, savings. Not fun. Not fun at all.

I get frustrated about my student loans sometimes. They can be a little lot overwhelming! But... look what came in the mail this week:
I mean, this is one loan and I still have 7 to go, but it's a start. And I pay more than the required amount each month because I want to get rid of them as quickly as possible. So I'm paying a lot! Like a ridiculously large amount! Today when I was paying bills, though, it occurred to me how fortunate I am. Yes, I'm paying a lot so that I can get pay off these loans, but I have the extra money to put towards them. I have the money to not only pay what is due, but also to pay an additional amount. And for that I am so thankful! And in 2017 (yep, you read that right) when all 8 loans are officially paid off, I will have a huge party to celebrate!

I'll update and reevaluate both the budget spreadsheet and the loan payoff schedule spreadsheet in January as I'm making New Year's resolutions, so maybe I can get some things paid off a couple months earlier than expected...

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Meet Martha

So the T-Lex went to the hospital today. No bueno! But luckily, everyone has made the process really easy. I got an estimate from insurance, they cut me a check and I took it to the body shop. They asked some questions and had me sign some forms. Then they called Enterprise to come pick me up to take me to get a rental.

Meet Martha! She barely even fits in the picture. She's a beast! How did Martha and I get introduced? I get to Enterprise and the guy tells me that insurance will pay X amount of dollars per day. He then tells me that they are running a special on minivans and it would be under the price point. They were also cleaning some cars that I could have waited on, but it would have cost me an extra $4 a day or something and I was having none of that so I told him to hook me up with a minivan. He then proceeded to try and make me feel better by saying that it was brand new. 2014. Only had 22 miles on it. I was just the second person to drive it. That I looked really cool in it and that my friends would really like it. Ha! Hold the speech, buddy! I think it's hilarious and I can totally rock a minivan for a few days! Also, it's pretty nice. And if I were married, had 7 kids, 3 dogs, and a cart full of groceries I might even consider buying it...

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Opinions

I mentioned yesterday that I was a little bit opinionated (which might have been a slight understatement) and talked about one of my soapbox issues (juicing/trend dieting). Today I thought I would share some other seemingly unimportant hot button issues. Most of these topics are based on facts and research, that I'm not going to share here because, as I said before, I think that you can find research to support whatever you want. I'm also not going to rant about any of issues, I promise! Only share what they are...

- I am pro breastfeeding. Even in public.
- I sometimes get passionate about relationship issues.
- I have some hippy tendencies. I hate taking medicine and avoid it all all costs. But I believe in vaccinating your children.
- I stick up for introverts.
- I am pro birth control.
- I get on a soapbox about dieting and body image issues.

There are plenty more! Some more important than others, but I'll leave it at that. I am fully aware that not everyone is going to agree with me on  all  any of this and I am 100% okay with that!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Soapbox

Alternate Title: Know Your Body... And Don't Be Stupid!

I originally started this post months ago to get on my soapbox related to "juicing" and other ridiculousness, but this morning I read an article on CrossFit and rhabdo and decided to expand the platform a little bit. Not too much though, because I can get on a soapbox about a lot of things. What can I say? I'm really opinionated.

But this is one of those topics that causes me to drop what I'm doing and run across the room to jump on whatever even slightly resembles a soapbox. Because I've been there. Glimpse into my story: there were times when being skinny was more important than being healthy. And I so thankful that God protected me and is changing my mindset. But I think that is part of the reason why I get on a soapbox about people doing ridiculous things. Be healthy! Your health is important. But don't go overboard trying to reach some unattainable, unrealistic goal.

And yes, I know that people can bring me research about all the benefits of juicing and how good it is for your body, but I can assure you that for every article on the benefits of juicing there is another article explaining how it's all complete crap! Because I am thoroughly convinced that you can find information to support anything you want to believe. But come on- juicing?! It's taking perfectly good food and mashing it up to a thinner consistency than baby food. Is it healthy? I mean, if you eat crap all the time and then all of the sudden start juicing some vegetables, then yes it's healthy. Although I will continue to argue that it's the leafy greens that are healthy and not the liquid form that you are pouring down your throat.

And then there are those people that do the 3, 7, 10, whatever number day juice cleanse. Seriously?! Can we call that what it really is? A "trendy" eating disorder. Because don't pretend like you are drinking vegetables for 3 days to "cleanse your body." The God of the universe is a perfectionist! He cares about every minute detail. He knows the amount of sand of the beach and the number of hairs of your head. This is the same God that created each and every cell of your body. That knit you in your mother's womb. Sitting in science class after science class I continued to be amazed at the hand of God. The human body is designed perfectly! All the organs play a role and work together in harmony.

The things that you put into your body are taken and used as needed. What isn't needed is eliminated. God designed it perfectly! And no, this isn't an excuse to eat whatever you want and put anything into your body because it's going to get rid of the bad things anyway. Your body, like everything in your life, is meant to bring glory to God. Be healthy! Listen to your body! Take the best care of it that you can! Don't starve it and don't push it past the point of no return. You don't have to give into the latest trend or hop on every bandwagon just because everyone else is doing it. We are called to steward the things that God has given us- starting with ourselves!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Today

I had 82 things on the to-do list for today. I think I accomplished 4 of them. Yep, it was just one of those days. And it's okay. Because it had been one of those weeks. I almost wish I had done a DITL for every day last week because each one was a crazy as the next. Which means that nothing has been done to my car, I opened feedly this morning and had 234 unread blog posts, and my room looked like this by the end of the week...
I can't believe I just showed that picture! That's a weeks worth of clothes, 6 pairs of shoes, an open drawer, 2 waterbottles, 4 travel coffee cups, and a whole lot of stress and anxiety in my life! So that did get cleaned ASAP! As well as dishes getting washed, laundry getting cleaned and folded, and the refrigerator getting organized. So yeah, those were literally the 4 things that I got done today. And I feel good about them. I got to rest and recuperate and it was very needed. And God never ceases to amaze me! He continues to show me His love for me and relentlessly pursues me. I have a blog post drafted in my head about all the things that God is teaching me right now, but it will have to wait for another day.

Friday, September 20, 2013

T3

This title reminds me of kamp. All the kitchies would sit around on the dock or in the cabin and list our T3. We would make up the most absurd categories. I miss that place!

Anyway, this post is not about kamp. It's about blogs. #DTR asked me on Monday forever ago about my top 10 favorite DIY blogs so I started writing this post. Months ago! But then I realized that most of the blogs I read are not technically DIY. A lot of them are just SAHMs that also like to decorate and DIY, as I mentioned yesterday. Anyway, here are some of the tried and true.
I should warn that this whole blogging thing is not for the faint of heart. This week has been super busy at work and so I have 223 blogs to catch up on at some point... Right now, I use feedly (because Google got rid of Reader. Lame!). I also have the feedly app on my phone as my mobile reader when I have some free time on the go. Anyway... I subscribe to about 50 blogs. And get an average of 75 new blog posts a day- give or take. In case you are trying to figure out the math on all that, some of the blogs I read are from friends that write once a week or some even less. Others are from people that have committed to blogging daily. And others are blogs with multiple contributors and therefore may have multiple posts from a single day. This whole reading blogs things is a commitment, people! But it's not as time consuming as it sounds. One of my favorite wedding blogs, Style Me Pretty, has multiple posts a day, but there is nothing to read. They are just filled with pretty pictures, i.e. Pinterest inspiration so I can breeze through those pretty fast when I'm bored.

So in the process of switching to feedly, I organized my blogs into categories: friends (and people that I actually know), decorating/DIY, and moms (to name a few). Yes, I have a whole category for moms... I also have a category for weddings, but we'll just ignore that for now. So here are the awards for the top 3 in each category:
Friends blogs are people that I actually know. I read these to catch up on people's lives. So I was going to do a first, second, and third prize for each category, but I just can't with this one. I can't rank them. But these are a few of my favs. You should check them out if you have time or are bored or want to be encouraged or need a good laugh. And none of these people blog every day week so it's not like there's a lot of reading...
1. An Arrow in the MakingChelsea is a friend of a friend. She is my best friend from college's best friend from high school. Got that? I met her through Megan when I was in Nashville for grad school. She and her husband, Drew, got married a couple years ago (sometime when I was in Nashville) and have a precious daughter named Harlow. Chelsea is 1. a great writer and 2. an incredible woman of God with an amazing faith. She doesn't blog very often, but every post is equally poetic and convicting. She has written about marriage and body image and struggling through 2 miscarriages before sweet Harlow. Always so encouraging. 

2. Random Rambles of FreedomI met Whitney when we were kampers together at Kanakuk one summer. I think it was 1999. Our birthdays were close enough together that we were always in the same cabin. And through the year, we would stay in touch on AIM and stuff (because it was 1999...) My freshman year of college, I would detour to Conway on way to Waco and visit her. We have continued to keep in touch through the years and she is a.mazing! Her blog is real. Life isn't always easy. But she is chasing hard after God! Even in the midst of struggles and when things don't always make sense. She's amazing! 

3. Be Still and Go: Becca is another Kanakuk-er. We worked together for a couple summers, but didn't actually know each other that well. But she is great and so is her blog. She loves the Lord, is a beast athlete (she played volleyball at UNC) and a super organizer. She is the one that sent me a copy of her laminated packing list! Her blogs are a mixture of funny, updates on life, and what God is teaching her!

DIY and decorating blogs are the informative ones. These blogs are the one's I read and get house envy ideas for future projects in future homes. Here are my top three (and honorable mention...):
1. Young House Love: If you ask anyone who is even remotely familiar with blogs to name a DIY blog and this is most likely the one that they'll name. John and Sherry (and daughter Clara) live in Virginia and now blog full-time. They write the occasional personal story, but most of the time it is all DIY and decorating. They also recently wrote a DIY book and went on a multi-city book tour. They just moved into a new house so they are basically starting with a blank slate for projects. 

2. Iheart Organizing: I don't know if Jen would technically qualify as "DIY." Her blog is focused on organizing- everything from a desk or cabinet to an entire room. But not only is everything organized, it is pretty too. And she has 3 boys- Preston, Parker, and Peyton- so keeping things organized all the time isn't an easy job! She has a lot of good ideas, but sometimes I think she is too organized. And that means a lot coming from me, but she has a color coded chart for everything. But it is a good outline and beginning. Take and use what works for your life and your family.

3. Centsational Girl: Kate is another DIY/ project doer extraordinaire. She's all about projects and decorating on a budget and gives plenty of tips, tricks, and tutorials to recreate her style.

4. 11 Magnolia Lane: This blog is actually written by 3 friends: Amy, Terry, and Christy. They alternate who posts and have different styles or techniques which gives things an interesting twist. For instance, Christy's husband is in the military so they live in base housing and have a lot of restrictions on what they can and can't change. She has a lot of great ideas for small changes with a big impact or great ideas if you are renting! 

And the last category is moms. These are the women that I want to be friends with and want to be. Seriously! There was no way I could narrow this list down to three, but here are some of the best:
* These pictures are really old, because I started this post over 6 months ago...

1. Life Rearranged: Jeanett Gibson is amazing! She is one of my virtual role models. I want to be like her when I grow up! She and her husband Andy live in California and she is a mother to 4... Henry, twins Lucy and Jillian, and Owen. Henry had heart problems when he was born and has regular checkups with the cardiologist. Jilly has cerebral palsy and epilepsy. Jeanett is a mother-extraordinaire! She is a SAHM that does a hybrid homeschool program with Henry. She has chickens in the backyard, and she says no to things. Her kids don't really go to birthday parties or use tons of electronics and I love it! When I get pregnant, I just want to go visit her and sit at her kitchen table and take notes on how she does life. Do you think my husband would be okay with that? She doesn't really blog DIY at all. But she blogs a lot of life. And she's real! She talks about the hard parts of life with 4 kids. The hard parts of being in and  out of the hospital. And her faith is incredible!

2. Bower Power: Katie Bower is a close second. She is probably one of my favorite people that I don't know. (Can that be a category?) She and her husband Jeremy live outside Atlanta with their sons Will and Weston. And she's pregnant! Katie and Jeremy bought a gorgeous house that they are DIY'ing, but she also blogs about other things like kids, decorating, and bacon. She is a SAHM/full-time blogger/part-time photographer . Oh yeah, and she's hilarious!

3. Marital Bless: I talked about Leah in the last post. In her picture she is pregnant, but I'm pretty sure Miriam is like 4 months old. Oops! Anyway, she is the mom to 2 sweet boys, Ezra and Isaac, and now Miriam. She and her hubby, Tony, live up north (Wisconsin or Minnesota, I can never remember). She is a part-time photog trying to transition to full-time/SAHM. The tagline on her blog is that "Life is not always bliss, but it's always a blessing." I love that! She also inspires me with her faith.

4. My Life in Transition: Julia was mentioned in the last post too. She's also a northerner. She and Nate have 2 precious kids, Truman and Cecelia. They are both physical therapists. Julia works part-time doing home health PT. And she and Nate are runners. Her blog is just about life-balancing work and 2 kids and day care and working out and training for races and just being a mom!

5. All Things G&D: Dusty is another super creative mom, with a gorgeous house. She talks about some DIY/decorating stuff and some arts and crafts for her precious daughter Kate. She also does some menu planning stuff. She was part of the Haven posts too.

6. MODG: MODG originally stood for "martinis or diaper genies" but now it's just MODG (kinda like madge). Amanda is a mom of 2, Gavin and Ruby. She is super hippy mom and hilarious! Both her kids had stomach problems that made breastfeeding hard and she talks all about that. She is 100% real. Even when things are hard. She doesn't make motherhood seem like it's all peaches and roses. And she talks about poop a lot.

7. The Loftlands: Another reminder that I started this post forever ago. Lyndsay and Will have a son, Liam and she just gave birth to Liesl last week! She is a Texan. She and Will went to Baylor. Another SAHM. She is one of those super creative, in charge of crafts at VBS, in a MOPS group moms. She does make some really cute activities for Liam if you are looking for some way to occupy your toddler.

So there you have it. My top 3 (which somehow turned into 14) blogs that are a great mix of informative, encouraging, and hilarious! Are there any that you think I should check out/add to list? I'm always open to making more mom friends...

Thursday, September 19, 2013

It's a Small World After All

* This was the original post that I had planned for today. Then after a bunch of stuff happened today, I thought about writing a response to singleness. But I decided that I need more time to process, so we're back to this one for tonight...

The blogging world, that is. Or at least most of the blogs I read. And I totally don't fit in. This is more of a me-watching-from-outside-the-window kinda thing. So basically, I'm kind of a peeping Tom. Oops!  I realized this a little while ago when I was reading a post Julia wrote about a weekend trip. I was looking at the pictures and I realized that I knew people in the picture. And by "knew" I mean that I read her blog too. I like when blog friends are friends in real life. Which they weren't. They just set up a blind date from reading each others blogs! Here are the blogs side by side about the trip. Julia's and Leah's. That was my first "It's a Small World" moment.

The second moment came when Katie Bower wrote a blog about her top ten referrers and I already read 7 of them. Naturally, I subscribed to the other 3. If they loved Katie as much as I did, then I would probably like them too. And so far, I do!

I've been meaning to write a post about some of my favorite bloggers (as in, I originally drafted this in February I think), but it is almost finished now and I'll post it tomorrow...

But since it is such a small world, here is what I have learned about bloggers (at least the ones I read. So maybe this is more something I learned about me than about bloggers...): they are moms (usually stay-at-home moms, of multiple kids). They do some photography on the side. They are super cute and super creative. They workout. They sew. They are all a little bit hippy. They use midwives, shop organic, breastfeed, make their own babyfood, and use cloth diapers.

So, like I said before- I don't really fit in. But maybe one day I will. Thanks to my slight OCD, I've already started working on my (somewhat hippy) birthing plan, done some pretty extensive research on bum genies, and looked at the pros and cons of the ergo versus moby wrap. Yep, so my secrets are out. And I'm pretty ridiculous. It's okay. I accept it.

* Update: In August, there was a big bloggers conference in Atlanta that a bunch of my favorite bloggers went to. You can read about their experiences here, here, here, and here.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Happiest of Happy

Birthday to my dad, of course! And he is spending it doing what he loves most: living out the great commission. He is in Honduras right now- loving on God's kids and teaching them about Jesus. I think that if it weren't for my mom, he would sell everything in Memphis and live out of a backpack just travelling the world. That is truly his happy place! My dad used to drive cross country on the regular and pick up hitch hikers along the way. One time he picked up a hitch hiker crossing the bridge that didn't really have a place to go. He just wanted to go out west. So my dad said that he was going to Denver and gave the guy a ride the whole way. Another one of my favorite stories... my dad was driving home from California and picked some guy up and then they split the driving up all the way back! So typical of my dad! I'm sure that he doesn't read my blog and will probably never see this but I'm putting it out there anyway...

Dear dad,

Happy birthday! I love you! Thanks for being my dad. Thanks for being at every gymnastics meet and football and basketball game to watch me cheer! Thanks for taking me on dates and making me feel special! Thanks for making biscuits with me every Saturday morning! Thanks for taking off work to go on field trips with my class to Nashville, New Orleans, DC, and Cumberland Caverns in elementary school. Thanks for driving to New Orleans to pick me up from a student council conference just to turn around and drive straight back to Memphis so that I could make it home for a pep rally in 8th grade. Thanks for holding me while I cried over boys in high school. Thanks for sleeping on the couch every time I come over so that I can take over your bed! Thanks for taking care of my car (and all the other "man jobs") more times than I can count! Thanks for giving me a love for comics, corny jokes, puzzles, and all things Tiger basketball!

But more importantly, thank you for loving God and for loving people well! Thanks for giving me a glimpse of God as Father! Thank you for continuously praying for me! Thank you for loving mom well and showing me an example of a godly marriage. Thank you for working hard and sacrificing for our family. Thank you for showing me and teaching me the importance of a strong work ethic and integrity! Thank you for being there for me and loving me- no matter what!

Love, your favorite child
(I'm pretty sure I have signed every birthday/father's day card that way...)

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matthew 28:19-20

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

DITL: Work Edition

If you want to read Part 1 and see what my day is life on my off weeks, you can, but it's a whole lot of lying around doing nothing... So here it is. Part 2 of my DITL. Get ready for pure entertainment (or not at all.) A working Monday...

5 am: Sad that my alarm is going off already. Really tempted to push snooze, but I suck it up and get out of bed. Mindlessly walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth. Pull out the scale and weigh myself. 52% water today, in case you were wondering. I don't really have any idea what that means! Make my bed.

5:15 am: Go downstairs to make breakfast. There are dishes in the sink, which drive me crazy. Turn on the Keurig and load the dishwasher while it's warming up. Start making coffee, wash the rest of the dishes in the sink. All is right in the world again. :) Start breakfast. I made banana nut bread last week since we had a bunch of bad bananas to use up. Heat up a piece- yum! Throw some turkey bacon on the stove. While it's cooking, I start packing my lunch and getting my snacks together.

5:45 am: Curl up in my favorite chair ever! Breakfast, coffee, and a little time in the Word.

6:10 am: Turn on the computer. Skim through the to-do list to see what needs to get done today. Get a little overwhelmed just looking at it, but at least there is fun stuff in store for tonight...

6:30 am: Realize what time it is and that I have to get ready for work! Thankfully, everything is all laid out. Get dressed and throw my workout clothes in a bag. Do my hair and makeup, grab my work bag, my gym bag, my lunch, and snacks and head out the door.

6:50 am: My car won't start. As in, I can't even turn the key. I literally sit in my car for a few minutes. Staring.

6:55 am: Back in the house. Knock on my roommate's door and ask for a ride to work like a little kid. Mentally add more things to do the to do list. Contemplate skipping the gym and going for a run after work instead. I just need to run some frustrations off. Think Grease... "Long. Distance. Running... Cross. Country. Running..."

7:05 am: Get to work. Feeling a little stressed that I am so late and already feel behind. Print out my rounding sheet. They must have discharged a bunch of people over the weekend. Only 10 patients on the list. Read through sign-out from the week before to see what's going on with these people. Look through a couple charts, read some H&Ps, check labs, and make notes.

7:25 am: Get my second cup of coffee for the day and head into morning report...

8:30 am: Out of morning report. Meet with the doc I'm working with this week to run the list. No one is waiting in the ED yet...

8:45 am: Back to my office. Call the insurance company before I get busy and forget. Give him the police report number and a bunch of other information. He gives me a list of a couple preferred body shops. Still trying to figure out when I 'm going to have time to squeeze in getting my car towed to the shop and then get a rental. Blah! Call my mom about body shop options. She tells me a couple places my dad has used before. Call the dealership to try to figure out why my car won't start. Hope that it's just a sensor/safety feature and not that there is more damage than I think. They tell me that everything is probably just locked up and give me some tricks to try.

9:20 am: Finally off the phone and finished with things (for now)! Grab my stethoscope. See if I can see all the old patients on the list before we get any admissions. Wishful thinking...

9:30 am: Start seeing patients, finally! So late! And it seems like everyone wants to talk today.

11 am: Sit down to write some notes.

11:30 am: Realize that I'm really hungry and decide that it's time for a lunch break. Head back to my office to get something to eat. Get paged that there's a patient in the ED waiting to be admitted. Of course. Change of plans. Almost to my office anyway. Grab some almonds and head down to the ED to see the patient.

12:15 pm: Find an empty computer. Put in some quick admission orders to get her into a room. H&P will have to wait until after lunch. Head back to my office to eat lunch for real now.

12:45 pm: Another patient is in the ED. Finish eating, write one more note, and then go back down to the Chest Pain Center.

1:20 pm: Put orders in on this patient. Before I can finish putting in orders, there is another admission in the ED. Finish up orders then go see the third new patient.

2 pm: Finished seeing the third patient. Notice that it's 2 pm and time to pass the admission pager to the residents. At least there won't be any more new ones. Just have to chart on these. And see a few more that were already on the list... Put admission orders in on one more. Dictate an H&P.

2:15 pm: A friend is visiting one of her friends that we have been praying for in Bible study for a while now. Stop by and see her and talk for a little while.

3 pm: Finish seeing the rest of the patients on the list. Sit down and start writing notes.

4 pm: Get a call from one of the floors that a patient isn't doing well. They have already called MRT (the medical response team). Go over and meet MRT on the floor. Check on the patient. Still not looking good. Put in some STAT orders. And an order to transfer her to the ICU. Call the doctor I'm with to meet us on the floor. In and out of the room between me, the doc, MRT, and the nurses.

5:15 pm: Get the patient stabilized and transferred. And finally have a moment to breath. Realize that the gym isn't going to happen. Sad day!

5:30 pm: Back to my office. Finish writing notes. Dictate the other 2 H&Ps. Look over a few more things and try to make sure that everything is finished for tomorrow. It isn't...

7:15 pm: Text an old coworker to see if she can give me a ride home.

7:30 pm: Home. Drop my bag off in the house. Check my car. Try all the tricks that the service department told me. It works! Praise God! My key turns. At least my car is drive-able. Run back in the house and grab a bottle of water and leftovers from this weekend.

7:40 pm: It's been a long day. I really need a hug. After all, hugs are my love language! Get a hug then head out to Bible study. Germantown seems really far away tonight!

8 pm: Get to Bible study and heat up my dinner. Eat while we catch up a little bit and then get into the meat of everything. We're talking about shame tonight. It's a fun one. You know, if fun means really hard. But we have some good conversation. Then talk about prayer requests and fill each other in on life. There are lots of laughs with these women!

10:30 pm: Leave Bible study.

11 pm: Finally home! Did I mention that Germantown is so far away! Immediately get on the computer and check on patients and finish up a few last minute things.

11:20 pm: Just need to relax. Take a bath and read a couple blogs.

11:40 pm: Post a quick blog (which is more than I expected to do...)

12 am: Finally in bed. Exhausted. Ready to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Which means of course that I lie awake for a while before even turning on the sleep cycle app around 12:40. Man, 5am is going to come early. Oy vey!

Monday, September 16, 2013

Gotcha

Remember when I said that today was going to be crazy busy? Ha! I had no idea! It was definitely not what I had in mind. You can read all about it tomorrow. But until then...

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Let the Madness Begin

Going back and forth between my calender and my to do list for this week is starting to make my head spin! Trying to add everything that I need to do to both places and make sure I don't forget anything. I am slightly regretting this whole blogging everyday thing too and I'm just going to go ahead and say that it probably won't happen tomorrow. Unless there are some extra hours added into the day somewhere. Or maybe if work is slow and I happen to get out super early... I just never know. One day will be nice and easy and I'll get out relatively early and then the next day is utter chaos and I'm still just hanging out in my office 14 hours later. Praying for the former. But at least I feel like 115% better than I did a few weeks ago. Praise God!

I had big plans for writing topics for this week, but I don't know if any of them are going to happen depending on how work goes. We'll see. The goal is to at least do another DITL post about tomorrow and then share some of my favorite bloggers. The other days might all be filler. They might have some content. Who knows? I had a big post planned for tonight addressing something that has been circulating online for a while now, but I need to get to bed so it will have to wait until another time... Trying to make sure I take some time to rest and abide in Him.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Rep Your Hood

First of all, I didn't mean to not write yesterday. I hung out at home during the day. No big deal. Was going to finish a blog and then post it last night. Then I ran Cooper Young 4-miler, came home, showered, and went out to a party. When I got home and realized it, it was already after midnight. Que sera sera!

Anyway, let me start off by saying that I have always loved Memphis. Seriously. Even before it was trendy. I didn't just jump on the bandwagon. Although if you did just join the ride, welcome! The more, the merrier! But I love it here. This is home. I love that it's big enough to be a city, but small enough where I run into someone I know pretty much anywhere I go.

And today was Cooper Young Fest. One of the many reasons why I love this place. Well technically Cooper Young fest started for me last night at the 4-miler. It's always a fun run. People have parties around the neighborhood and stand in their front yards and cheer people on. I danced and high-fived and leaped through bubbles and had a pretty good time. Even though it wasn't my best run. Not even my best run this week. But hey, you win some and you lose some. And I talked my roommate into running with me so that made it even more fun!

Then today my mom and aunt came over around lunchtime and we walked down to the festival. We were there for over 4 hours walking around, looking at everything. And I am the kid that goes to every booth to see what free stuff I can get and signs up for every raffle so I could win a lot of cool prizes... or not. I also bought a really cool piece of art with different big places in Memphis (FedEx Forum, orpheum, stax, sun studio, etc.) and the artist signed and dated it for me. So, yeah. Pretty cool. If you weren't there, you missed out. But you still have a chance to go to the River Arts Fest in October. In the meantime, explore the city, do something new, act like a tourist, and rep your hood!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Watch Your Words

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!

Who came up with that saying? And why did it continue for so long? Clearly a bold-faced lie. Words hurt! You know the lesson about the toothpaste and words? The one where they squeeze a bunch of toothpaste out and those are your words. Then they try and put the toothpaste back in the tube (that would be you apologizing or saying nice things to the other person). You can get a lot of the toothpaste back in the tube. Almost all of it. But no matter how much you try, there is still some toothpaste on the paper plate that just won't go back. Were my parents the only ones that did that?

Or the talks about how encouraging words filled each other's cups but mean language would lessen it. Growing up we would go to the beach with all my cousins and every year we would have a talent show. I can vividly remember one year where all the cousins put a cup of water in front of everyone and then we would jokingly make fun of each other and then pour a little bit of water out of our cups. All while singing, of course. I am now singing "Fill my cup, fill my cup, let it overflow" in my lowest CoC voice! :) One of the parents would say "what do families do?" and then in unison all the kids would respond "build each other up!" I can't be the only family that did things like this... right?

In high school, my mom used to randomly put index cards with Bible verses on the bathroom mirror and I can remember one morning brushing my teeth and looking up and seeing Ephesians 4:29 on the wall. (I'm pretty sure that verse stayed up for a very long time...)

But words hurt. Be careful what you say to people. You don't know their struggles or the lasting impression that your words can leave.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Other Four Letter Word

Can everyone collectively agree to take that word out of our vocabulary? Okay, not the word entirely, but at least in the wrong context. It diminishes our accomplishments and puts down others. I first started thinking about all this after reading a blog that was circling around on Facebook about being just a nurse. It was originally posted on a blog, but became so popular that it made its way to the Huffington Post. Read the article. It's a good one. Especially if you're a nurse. But the premise is that nurses do a hell of a lot for patients everyday and that by saying you or someone else is "just a nurse" devalues all their hard work.

Another area that it is commonly used is fitness. And I admit that I have been guilty of this. Example: "You look smaller. Have you lost weight?" "Just a few pounds." Or what about this one: "You just got back from a run. How far did you go?" "Oh, just 4 miles." I have totally done this! After it comes out of my mouth, I think "why did I say just?" Remember when I was first thinking about running. There was no way I could have gone out and run 4 miles right away. So why was I now diminishing my accomplishments. And think about the other person. Maybe they just started working out and our excited that they walked an entire mile for the first time. By using that one word, I have unintentionally put down their achievements as well.

What if Kid President had said that he couldn't make a difference because he was just a kid? That would be sad, right? So, celebrate your accomplishments! No matter how small. Use them to remind yourself of how far you've come. Use them to encourage others. But stop using that ugly 4-letter word!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

DITL: Home Edition

love reading other people's "Day in the Life" posts, so I thought I would do one of my own. Well, actually two. I'm going to do one this week and another one next week when I'm working. Just a fun way to document my life. Sometimes I think I have a busy life and then I read other people's posts about working and taking care of kids and cooking organic food from scratch, etc. I don't how they do it all. But anyway, here it goes. Monday: Day 1 off...

6:40 am: Set my alarm for 7 this morning, but am wide awake. Sleeping in is wonderful! Try to figure out if I should get up or wait on my alarm. Lie in bed for a while. Finally get up at 6:52. Bathroom, brush teeth, pull out the scale to weigh and remember that I still need to replace the batteries. Add that to my ongoing grocery list. Make bed.

7 am: Go downstairs. Make coffee and breakfast. And yes, I usually always make a real breakfast. Go big or go home. Add coffee to the shopping list. Head back upstairs to my favorite comfortable chair and spend some sweet time with Jesus.

8 am: Turn on the computer. Check email. Organize the to-do list. FYI my Excel spreadsheet is currently divided into a weekly to-do list (for 3 weeks at a time), a daily list (broken up in 30 minute intervals), a budget breakdown, and a weekly menu. #neurotic

8:45 am: Time to rock the Kroc! Yep, I said it. Power class. I mentioned yesterday that I haven't been to the gym in a while, so this was a hard one. I'm going to be feeling it tomorrow. Decided to stay for Zumba because, well, I can. Days off are great!
* Update: Yes, I am sore. Biceps and hamstrings. She even warned us that it was a hard bicep track so I went lighter than usual...

11 am: Class is over. See the dad of a friend from high school that I probably haven't seen in over 10 years. Stopped and talked for a while. Caught up on what families are doing these days.  

11:20 am: Home from the gym. Make lunch. Which includes kale chips, because they are delicious! Read a few blogs. Buy my #teamjilly shirt! I've already started a blog about Jeanett that will go up sometime next week I think, but she is great!

12:15 pm: Shower. Decide it feels like a lazy day aka wearing my hair curly.

12:45 pm: Check on my patients. I don't do this everyday when I'm off. Promise! But there were some that were supposed to be going home that I wanted to make sure everything was okay and they actually got out.

1 pm: Throw clothes in the washing machine. Clean out the refrigerator. Now that's it's clean I can do some menu planning and see what else to add to the grocery list. I make 2 lists. First, as I think of things that I need I add them to an ongoing grocery list. Then I reorganize that list by where things are located in the store. #neurotic Start the dishwasher and hand wash what's left in the sink, because dishes in the sink- pet peeve!

2 pm: Errand time! Drop off my clothes at the dry cleaners. This always makes me feel like an adult. Run by the post office to drop off some letters and buy some stamps. Have to be an adult again and get the tags renewed on my car. Being an adult is expensive! Go to the Kroger at Poplar Plaza to get gas. Then leave and drive to the Krosher for groceries. Because it's my favorite. Oh yeah and I'm #neurotic. Go grocery shopping. Only see one person that I know, so not too much small talk. I don't think I've ever made it through the store without seeing anyone that I know. Memphis is a small town!

3:45 pm: Made it home. Pull out the snack-sized Ziploc bags. Sort groceries into single servings per bag. It just makes things easier to grab for snacks or when trying to pack my lunch for work quickly. It reduces overeating and makes frozen food easy to thaw for a meal. Also, #neurotic. Once everything is all organized and sorted, I put away all the groceries.

4 pm: Switch clothes over to the dryer. Notice that the dishwasher is finished. I have to unload it. I blame it on my family. "Advancement" has been burned into my mind. It's like that clean light taunts me. I put away all the dishes and everything can continue as planned...

4:30 pm: Replace batteries in the scale. Contemplate weighing but it would be off the normal schedule so I don't. Finish reading through blogs.

5 pm: Made an spontaneous decision last week to go to the beach in October. My family usually goes in June every year but we didn't this year because my cousin had her baby, so I have been itching for a trip down to 30A. Start looking up places to stay. Sandy white beaches and emerald waters. So many wonderful memories. Makes me nostalgic. Can't wait to get back. Even if it's only for a couple days.

5:30 pm: Naptime! Yeah, being off can be really tiring. Ha!

6:15 pm: Review the to-do list. Cross things off that have been done already. Move some things over to other days that aren't going to get done today. Respond to some emails that I got last week while I was working and did nothing about because a. sometimes things get pushed back when I'm working and b. did I mention I was doing well just to get out of bed last week? Responding to emails wasn't going to happen.

7 pm: Usually I have Bible study on Monday nights, but people had scheduling conflicts this week so we moved it to Sunday night instead. That means that my night is totally free for dinner and a movie. Sounds really romantic, especially when you consider the fact that it was dinner for one and a movie all by myself. "All by myself. Don't wanna be all by myself anymore..." You were singing it in your head anyway, right?

9:45 pm: Start writing this blog and then write and publish the post for today. Start some blogs for a couple ideas that I have for next week. Then journal about things that don't make the cut for public viewing.

10:30 pm: Brush teeth. Lay out clothes for tomorrow. Set my sleep cycle alarm and head to bed.
* Update: Woke up 4 times through the night I think. 3 times to go to the bathroom, and once just because. Yes, I have a pea-sized bladder. 

* Update: Reread this post and realized that I essentially had no contact with people all day. I did talk to my roommate for a few minutes at one point but otherwise, this is totally accurate. What can I say? I'm an introvert in all sense of the word. And after working 7 days straight, sometimes I just need a day to recover and detox all alone. 

Monday, September 9, 2013

Days Off

... are glorious! Seriously! Today was exactly what I needed. And I kinda had a cheat week all last week. I know that exercise is good for all that, but it was honestly everything I could do to get out of bed last week and so working out just wasn't going to happen. Finally made it back to the gym today and it was definitely needed.

And I'm excited about tomorrow too. First of all, I reserved a free Chick-fil-A breakfast. Genius, Truett Cathy, genius! And I'm thinking about going to a movie. Don't know which one yet, but I haven't been to a movie by myself in the middle of the day in years and I'm thinking it sounds like a great idea!

Ahh! Great day! So excited about this week...

* Today's DITL coming tomorrow...

Sunday, September 8, 2013

I Saw the Sign

Or did I...?

This is part 2 to yesterday's post. A lot has been going on. Oh yeah, and I'm frustrated with that too. Frustration seems to be a running theme here. Ugh! I feel like things are blah! And that I've been in a funk for a while now. How I'm handling it all has been very revealing though. In good ways and bad...

You know what I've realized? I'm not very in touch with my emotions. I don't really know how I'm feeling most of the time. And I don't handle my feelings well most of the time. So I've been feeling just weird lately and I was trying to pinpoint exactly which emotion it was. I think I've written about The Voice of the Heart before, but it is based on the principle that everyone has 8 basic emotions: hurt, sadness, loneliness, fear, anger, guilt, shame, and gladness. For each emotion, there is a negative reaction to it and there is also a positive outcome to each emotion if you take your feelings to God and trust Him with the voice of your heart. So since I am so bad at emotions, when I don't know how I'm feeling I think about how I am responding to it. Confession: it always the negative reaction. Like sometimes when I think that I'm sad, I look at the chart and see that I'm reacting with resentment and then I realize that I'm probably not sad, but hurt. Knowing which emotion I'm actually feeling helps me to better deal with it. Yes, I am aware that this is not the healthiest way to go about things. But I do feel like this way I am addressing the issue sooner and taking care of it instead of just dwelling in the negative. Prayerfully one day this won't even be an issue and it will be second nature to turn everything over to God, but for now it is a continual reminder to take every thought captive and turn each emotion to God.

I've been ready for a change for a while now. But have been trying to figure out if it's actually what I'm supposed to be doing. So I have been looking for a sign and I'll think that I see one and then something else happens and I think that it's a sign to stay put. And you know what? Signs don't matter. Ultimately, my purpose in life is to glorify God. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. I'm trying to continue to remind myself of that!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Life Lately

Yeah, I didn't write yesterday. Excuse: I worked all day, got off a little after 6 and then sat around and did nothing because I needed a break. Friends came over at 7 and we went out to dinner and hung out with some people. I didn't get home until 11:30 or so and blogging was not top priority...

So now we are here. And I have been trying to figure out how much to share about everything that has been going on. I still haven't decided. The past few days weeks have been hard. Really hard. And frustrating. Each day gets more frustrating. Especially because I am tired all. the. time. Which is super annoying. I have had insomnia off and on for a while. It was bad for about 6 months. Maybe longer. I survived on just a few hours of sleep for months. And surprisingly felt fine most of the time. Which makes all of this even more upsetting. Today I was in an elevator at work and for a second thought that it was stuck. My initial reaction was "if this elevator is stuck, I could lie down and take a nap right now." And then I got home from work and took a 4 and a half hour nap. I could probably go to bed right now and sleep for a full 24 hours.

But if exhaustion was the only effect of all this then I would be fine. It's all the other stuff that comes with it that is even worse. Ugh! Have I mentioned that I'm super frustrated?! I just want all this to be over...

That's all I got for now. I'll write the second part of all these frustrations later. Maybe...

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Balance

So I'm kinda slacking on this whole blogging thing. I'm exhausted tonight. I even made the executive decision to take the night off and not go for a run tonight because I just wanted to come home and curl up and do nothing and then get to bed early. I'll try again tomorrow. I think the problem is that I have been sleeping in longer than usual and so I don't get my day started appropriately and then I'm just thrown off. Such is life...

Anyway... balance. I am striving for balance in all areas of life. And I kinda suck at it. At least in certain areas. I would like to think that it's gotten better, but I don't really know if it has. Without going into too much detail, I can't do nothing. It's not healthy to do nothing and pretend like things don't exist. But if I try to do something, I worry that it can go to the extreme. And logically, I know that's not healthy either. Just trying to find a middle ground. It's like walking a tightrope!


Love Shawn Johnson and love everything about this picture!! So perfect for this post in so many ways! And so many sweet, unintended reminders! Also, I miss those 4 inches...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Sorry

This one is going to be a short post. I planned to start writing this yesterday so it would be ready to post today, but then I didn't get to it. And today was busy at work because we were IOC (internist on call) and got a bunch of admissions so basically I got nothing. And I thought about not writing at all, but I made it a goal so I can't slack on day 4. So here's some encouragement for tonight...
Back to your regular programming tomorrow...

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

And I'm Back in the Game

The running game that is. Today is the first official day of unofficial half training, so I thought it was an appropriate time for this post. I have officially started running again. And I love it! Well most of the time...
I love this picture. So true! And sometimes I even like it while I'm doing it. It's a time to just be me. To be alone with my thoughts. Which is usually not a good thing, but for some reason it's okay while I'm running. If you don't already know this I'm a little but cuckoo. I count my paces and know how long I've been running and how far I have to go. It's hard to explain, but it's just a numbers thing... All that to say that I don't like running to music. I know it can help pace, but I end up breaking up my run into 3 1/2 minute intervals (or however long the song is) so I have started to listen to podcasts instead. It's kinda like talking to someone. And I don't know how long it's going so I just keep running! Everyone wins! (And by everyone, I, of course, mean me).

So we'll see how all this goes. So far, I've signed up for a 5k this weekend (that I can't do because of work), Cooper Young 4-miler, and the St. Jude half. I'm sure I'll squeeze a few more races in between those too. Possibly LuvMud, the Tap N Run, and the Turkey Trot. Anyone want to run with me?!?

Monday, September 2, 2013

Laboring

Happy Labor Day! Hope everyone enjoyed a nice, relaxing day. I know I did. I mean, I still had to go to work this morning, but it was a holiday so we didn't take any admissions. Just saw the patients that were already on the list. Left around 2, came home to clean up some, then made it to the gym. After the gym, the roomies cooked out and we had our own Labor Day barbecue.

And I have been contemplating how much to share on this blog about what's really going on in life. I don't have an answer to all that yet. But I will say that today was a much needed break from everything. So on that note, I'm taking a break from blogging too. At least blogging about important things for the day. I'll get back on track tomorrow and in the meantime try to figure out what I'm going to talk about.

So how was everyone's Labor Day? Do anything exciting?

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Rabbit, Rabbit

It's September 1, y'all!
*Sidenote: I have been saying y'all a lot on twitter and whatnot, but I never actually say it in everyday conversation... 

Also, it's 901 day! So go do something fun to celebrate Memphis today and all the reasons why you love it!

Anyway, it's the beginning of the month and I have decided to challenge myself to blog everyday. Eek! A few of the bloggers that I follow did it for the month of August so I figure, why not? Granted, that also means that most of them will probably be relatively short, but I'm okay with that. I have started drafting a few posts and have some more ideas to write about so we'll see how it goes. Let me know if there's anything that you want to hear about...