By the time this posts, I'll be walking the streets of New York! Actually, I land at 9:40 so when this posts I'll probably be walking the floors of La Guardia, but that's close enough! Katie and I are staying in an Air BnB in the Village so hopefully we'll get a good neighborhood vibe. I'll be back on Sunday night, so I'll post all about the adventures when I get back!
I don't know if it's good or bad that nothing major is going on in life right now. I'll take it as a good sign.
* Ran 10 miles yesterday. It was miserable. Hot and muggy and So. Many. Hills! Who puts the steepest, hardest hill at mile 9. Sheesh! But I survived. Then Katie came over with Lucy (her dog) so that Molly and Lucy could entertain each other and we could crash on the couch all afternoon. Win, win!
* I have officially submitted all my paperwork for my NY nursing license. It will probably take 6-8 weeks before I hear anything. And I can't start applying for my NP license until I have my RN license so that part is a little bit at a standstill, but at least things are kind of moving forward. Now to start saving money...
* Speaking of saving money (or the exact opposite), Katie and I will be in New York this week! Just going up for a long weekend, but I'm super excited about it. People have asked if this is a scouting trip and it's not really. I'm going to check out some boroughs that I'm not super familiar with and spend some more time in Brooklyn to get a better feel for it. Maybe look at some commute times. But things are a little too up in the air for any more scouting right now. Maybe next time...
Work's been rough. Life's been rough. I've been exhausted! I feel like I've been whining and rant-y in my last few posts, but that's kind of how I've been feeling lately. So before my head exploded, I decided to take a mental health day. Yes, I know that I'm going on vacation in 2 weeks, but I didn't think I could make it until then.
I took off on Friday. I needed some time to relax, but even more than that, I needed a productive day where I could get things done and make phone calls during business hours. Working Monday through Friday is for the birds!
I was up at the usual time because I had Friday morning Life Together group. We discussed scripture reading and prayer and singing and what that looks like in the context of community. And we just got to catch up on life, which is always so refreshing. After that, I headed home to grab a few things and pick up Molly for daycare. I thought about not taking her, but I knew I was going to have a busy day and figured she would have more fun playing with friends. After I dropped her off, I ran some errands. Went to the library, got gas, and got the tags renewed on my car- maybe for the last time... Then I headed to the greenline for my long run. The last race was a 10K and next week's is a 10-miler, so we decided getting one 8 mile run in would help ease the transition. 8 miles is not fun. But the greenline is shady, which was nice, and scenic. And it was just nice to run during the day. I needed the time to step away from everything and have nothing to think about except putting one foot in front of the other.
It was slow and steady, but I made it. As long as I was moving. As soon as I finished, I felt pretty terrible for a while until my body readjusted. I ran to Target to return some things and hit up a few more places before heading home. I ate a little bit and rested before starting the rest of the to-do list.
Then I got busy knocking some things out. Did some yardwork (I love my trees, but it's a constant project) and did some Spring cleaning- deep cleaning. And I started to do some decluttering. I haven't finished totally going through my closets, but I'm trying to go through everything and get rid of as much as I can!
I hung out with Molly for a little bit in the afternoon before going to game night with friends. Overall, it was a pretty good day. Not relaxing at all really, but I got some things done that needed to get accomplished and then I didn't feel bad about being lazy-ish on Saturday. Everyone needs a mental health day every once in a while!
Last weekend at church, we did a mindfulness exercise. You are supposed to envision yourself on a hike with a backpack full of things from the past. The backpack is weighing you down so you stop and rest. You unload everything from your backpack. Then you have to decide what to put back before you continue on your way. It was more elaborate, with more details, than that, but that was the gist of it.
Afterwards, we discussed everything. What the path we were on looked like. The place where we chose to stop and rest. What we took out of our backpack. And what we chose to put back in. How we felt walking the rest of the trail with a lighter pack.
Most everyone said they took rocks out of their packs. Some of the rocks had words. Others were just representations of things from the past. And as they chose what to return to their backpack and continue on the journey with, everyone felt lighter- as if a weight had literally been lifted from them.
Except me. My vision was very different from the others. I was walking along a path, as everyone was, and my backpack was heavy. But when I stopped to rest and unload my bag, I didn't pull on rocks. I pulled out people. Past friendships and relationships and all their baggage as well. I also pulled out objects that represented things from the past or even feelings about hard things. I should have felt a lot better after that. The load should have been much lighter. But as I sat there trying to decide what to leave behind and what to take with me, I was frozen. I knew the things that I needed to leave. There were plenty of things that were dragging me down. But I also didn't know how to leave those things. I felt like they were part of me and I didn't know who I was without them. So instead of packing up and moving forward, I stayed behind. I stayed stuck in the moment of rest trying to decide what I could go forward without and who I would be without those things.
And that's where I feel like I am in life right now. Frozen in time, unable to move forward. I feel as if I'm tethered to a bungee cord. I can only move forward so far. At a certain point, it starts getting harder to move against the tension of the cord. And then it becomes impossible, until eventually it will shoot me backwards and I'll be back where I started. The things is, I have the key to release myself, but I just can't do it. I don't know why. And I do know why all at the same time. But that doesn't make it any easier.
I have been praying through this for a while. The struggles continue and so do the prayers. Join me. Pray for me. Pray with me. Ask me how I'm doing with all this. (I may or may not answer...)
I mentioned that we got season tickets to the Orpheum this year and the first show was The King and I. The show was on Thursday night and I was super excited about it, but already really tired going into the day and knew that it was going to be a long day. Work was really busy and stressful that day and I was running 800 miles a minute by the time I left work- later than I had planned. I picked up Molly from daycare, fed her while I changed clothes and then met them for dinner. Dinner was great and then we headed downtown for the show. It was great. I hadn't seen The King and I before. I knew the basic storyline, but wasn't as familiar with this show as I am with the others this season so that was fun. I also really like our seats. We are in the mezzanine, and right on the aisle so we were able to sneak out quickly at intermission and make it to the bathroom before there was a line. Score! But the show didn't start until 7:30 and it was 3 hours long! I came home and immediately went to bed.
Friday was another crazy day and I had plans that night so Molly went to daycare again. Work was crazy busy again and I was running all over the place and left late again. I was tired. And frustrated. And just wanted to go home and curl up on the couch with a book, but alas, that wasn't an option. I had to go to a friend's birthday party. Confession: I was really tempted to bail, but she made reservations at a restaurant and they charge if the number of people don't show up, so I felt like I was stuck! It was fine when I actually got there. It was just gaining the motivation to go. We started out at a distillery downtown. I have never been before but had heard good things. I wasn't impressed. The views were amazing! But the drink options weren't that great and they close super early. Womp, womp! After drinks, we headed to dinner. Reservations weren't until 8:15 and I was starving by the time we finally sat down. Dinner was good though. There were so many people there so I talked to approximately 4 people that were closest to me at the table (none of them being the birthday girl). Some people went out afterwards, but I was ready for bed! Another night where I came home and went straight to bed... again!
By Saturday, I was spent! Molly woke me up at 5 to go outside so I got up and got her up and then fed her breakfast. Then I curled up on the couch and went back to sleep for a few hours. Molly never usually goes to daycare 2 days in a row so she was pretty wiped out too! She curled up on the couch with me without complaint. I'm pretty sure that I slept off and on all day! I also watched the new season of Fuller House on Netflix! It was a relaxing day. And I needed it after the past week. I was running on empty and don't think that I could have kept it up for much longer!
But I also feel like work has been crazy busy and stressful and I have 7 million things on my to-do list and I needed to be productive on the weekends. But I just couldn't. Ugh!
A lot has happened in the past few weeks. And most of it has been running. Ha!
I signed up with some friends for the Road Race Series. I've done the Off-Road series for a few years now, but have never wanted to commit to the RRS because the races are long and they early. Okay, maybe I'm just lazy. But some friends were signing up and so... peer pressure. Also, I thought it would actually force me to train for the St Jude Half.
There are 2 races at each distance. The 5Ks were in July. I only ran the first one because the second was the day after my birthday and that just wasn't going to happen! There were 2 5-milers in August and the 10Ks are this month. We ran the first one on the 10th and the next one is this Sunday. Again with the laziness... I can tell you that I definitely wouldn't be doing these without friends to encourage me. But I do feel so much better after running! After the first 10K, we decided that we needed to get serious about training. I'm in shape enough to run a 5K, or even 5 miles, without much forethought, but the 10-milers are in October and that may need a little more preparation. So Katie and I decided to run. We met up to run after work one day and it was hot and muggy and hilly and not fun, but I'm glad we did it. Last Friday night was the Cooper Young 4-miler. It's always a lot of fun and this year was no exception. And I actually felt pretty good running it. Although, it also would have been fun to just walk the whole thing and take drinks from people. I'm pretty sure I would have been wasted by the end of the 4 miles. They were people handing out beer and jello shots and vodka-soaked gummy bears and fireball shots and so. much. more. Sheesh! Memphis Made did make a cream ale for after the race called Mile 5 which was pretty light and tasty. Katie and I stayed around after the race to drink some beer and eat some pizza. Then we ended up watching the awards. Man, I feel so slow and out of shape after that! We don't have a chance of getting an award until we're like 60!
The next day was Cooper Young Fest! It's one of my favorites! I woke up and did some things around the house before my mom came over and then we got ready to head down for round 1. Now that Jamie moved back to Michigan, I don't have guaranteed free parking. Womp, womp! But we found a spot pretty close. The festival was fun, as always, but So. Hot! We stayed down for about 2 hours and grabbed some lunch at the Beauty Shop because their guac is my favorite! So, so good. After the first go round, I went back home to cool off and take a nap. Katie picked me up around 3pm for round 2. Still super hot! We headed to Mempops first for a refreshing popsicle- that melted all over my shirt and legs and shoes. I felt like a little kid on a summer day! We ran into a few friends and grabbed a beer to continue cooling off. Then Jennifer met up with us. We walked around some more and drank some more beer before heading to dinner. I stuck with water at dinner and downed quite a few glasses.
Sunday morning, Katie and I had talked about getting a run in. I woke up at my usual time, but kind of hoped that she had forgotten. She hadn't. So I picked her up and headed to the greenline for 6 miles. It was... okay. I don't think we spoke to each other at all other than her saying that we were at 3 miles and it was time to turn around. Otherwise, we were in the zone! I started having some muscle twitching at about mile 4.5. By mile 5, I was hurting around my left knee. Katie started to slow her pace some, but I knew that if I slowed down, I might not make it the last mile so I picked up the pace and just tried to finish. I tried to stretch really well so we'll see how things feel. I ran Tuesday morning and everything felt okay. It wasn't as long though, but hopefully it was just a twinge.
Afterwards, we ran home and showered before church. I made it through church, but then I was struggling to keep my eyes opened. I'm pretty sure I just lied around on the couch napping off and on all afternoon. My whole body was just worn out from going all weekend in the heat! I also realized that I was super dehydrated this weekend! I only went to the bathroom every 12 hours or so from Friday night through Monday morning and I usually go every 2-3 hours. So I should really watch my water-to-beer intake when I'm going to be running and walking around in the heat all weekend. Oops! It was a fun weekend though!
And tonight, we are going to see The King and I. Katie, Brittany, and I got season tickets to the Orpheum this year and the first show is tonight. Should be fun!