Monday, April 2, 2018

I've Missed This

I haven't written in a while and to be honest, I've missed it. A lot. And I went back and read about what was going on the last time that I was writing consistently and so much has changed. So much! I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore, but I do occasionally like to go back and read how I was feeling throughout different periods of time so I'm going to try and continue writing- for posterity sake. It's not going to be regular and it probably won't be very frequent but it's going to happen- even if it's just for myself...

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Sunday Smiles

We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.
- Psalm 33:20-21

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Out of the Office

By the time this posts, I'll be walking the streets of New York! Actually, I land at 9:40 so when this posts I'll probably be walking the floors of La Guardia, but that's close enough! Katie and I are staying in an Air BnB in the Village so hopefully we'll get a good neighborhood vibe. I'll be back on Sunday night, so I'll post all about the adventures when I get back!

Monday, October 9, 2017

Word Vomit

Another post of randomness...

I don't know if it's good or bad that nothing major is going on in life right now. I'll take it as a good sign.

* Ran 10 miles yesterday. It was miserable. Hot and muggy and So. Many. Hills! Who puts the steepest, hardest hill at mile 9. Sheesh! But I survived. Then Katie came over with Lucy (her dog) so that Molly and Lucy could entertain each other and we could crash on the couch all afternoon. Win, win!

* I have officially submitted all my paperwork for my NY nursing license. It will probably take 6-8 weeks before I hear anything. And I can't start applying for my NP license until I have my RN license so that part is a little bit at a standstill, but at least things are kind of moving forward. Now to start saving money...

* Speaking of saving money (or the exact opposite), Katie and I will be in New York this week! Just going up for a long weekend, but I'm super excited about it. People have asked if this is a scouting trip and it's not really. I'm going to check out some boroughs that I'm not super familiar with and spend some more time in Brooklyn to get a better feel for it. Maybe look at some commute times. But things are a little too up in the air for any more scouting right now. Maybe next time...

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Sunday Smiles

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.
- Romans 10:13

Monday, October 2, 2017

Mental Health Day

Work's been rough. Life's been rough. I've been exhausted! I feel like I've been whining and rant-y in my last few posts, but that's kind of how I've been feeling lately. So before my head exploded, I decided to take a mental health day. Yes, I know that I'm going on vacation in 2 weeks, but I didn't think I could make it until then.

I took off on Friday. I needed some time to relax, but even more than that, I needed a productive day where I could get things done and make phone calls during business hours. Working Monday through Friday is for the birds!

I was up at the usual time because I had Friday morning Life Together group. We discussed scripture reading and prayer and singing and what that looks like in the context of community. And we just got to catch up on life, which is always so refreshing. After that, I headed home to grab a few things and pick up Molly for daycare. I thought about not taking her, but I knew I was going to have a busy day and figured she would have more fun playing with friends. After I dropped her off, I ran some errands. Went to the library, got gas, and got the tags renewed on my car- maybe for the last time... Then I headed to the greenline for my long run. The last race was a 10K and next week's is a 10-miler, so we decided getting one 8 mile run in would help ease the transition. 8 miles is not fun. But the greenline is shady, which was nice, and scenic. And it was just nice to run during the day. I needed the time to step away from everything and have nothing to think about except putting one foot in front of the other.

It was slow and steady, but I made it. As long as I was moving. As soon as I finished, I felt pretty terrible for a while until my body readjusted. I ran to Target to return some things and hit up a few more places before heading home. I ate a little bit and rested before starting the rest of the to-do list.

Then I got busy knocking some things out. Did some yardwork (I love my trees, but it's a constant project) and did some Spring cleaning- deep cleaning. And I started to do some decluttering. I haven't finished totally going through my closets, but I'm trying to go through everything and get rid of as much as I can!

I hung out with Molly for a little bit in the afternoon before going to game night with friends. Overall, it was a pretty good day. Not relaxing at all really, but I got some things done that needed to get accomplished and then I didn't feel bad about being lazy-ish on Saturday. Everyone needs a mental health day every once in a while!

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Sunday Smiles

You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
- Psalm 16:11

Thursday, September 28, 2017


Last weekend at church, we did a mindfulness exercise. You are supposed to envision yourself on a hike with a backpack full of things from the past. The backpack is weighing you down so you stop and rest. You unload everything from your backpack. Then you have to decide what to put back before you continue on your way. It was more elaborate, with more details, than that, but that was the gist of it.

Afterwards, we discussed everything. What the path we were on looked like. The place where we chose to stop and rest. What we took out of our backpack. And what we chose to put back in. How we felt walking the rest of the trail with a lighter pack.

Most everyone said they took rocks out of their packs. Some of the rocks had words. Others were just representations of things from the past. And as they chose what to return to their backpack and continue on the journey with, everyone felt lighter- as if a weight had literally been lifted from them.

Except me. My vision was very different from the others. I was walking along a path, as everyone was, and my backpack was heavy. But when I stopped to rest and unload my bag, I didn't pull on rocks. I pulled out people. Past friendships and relationships and all their baggage as well. I also pulled out objects that represented things from the past or even feelings about hard things. I should have felt a lot better after that. The load should have been much lighter. But as I sat there trying to decide what to leave behind and what to take with me, I was frozen. I knew the things that I needed to leave. There were plenty of things that were dragging me down. But I also didn't know how to leave those things. I felt like they were part of me and I didn't know who I was without them. So instead of packing up and moving forward, I stayed behind. I stayed stuck in the moment of rest trying to decide what I could go forward without and who I would be without those things.

And that's where I feel like I am in life right now. Frozen in time, unable to move forward. I feel as if I'm tethered to a bungee cord. I can only move forward so far. At a certain point, it starts getting harder to move against the tension of the cord. And then it becomes impossible, until eventually it will shoot me backwards and I'll be back where I started. The things is, I have the key to release myself, but I just can't do it. I don't know why. And I do know why all at the same time. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I have been praying through this for a while. The struggles continue and so do the prayers. Join me. Pray for me. Pray with me. Ask me how I'm doing with all this. (I may or may not answer...)

Monday, September 25, 2017

The King and I

And other craziness...

I mentioned that we got season tickets to the Orpheum this year and the first show was The King and I. The show was on Thursday night and I was super excited about it, but already really tired going into the day and knew that it was going to be a long day. Work was really busy and stressful that day and I was running 800 miles a minute by the time I left work- later than I had planned. I picked up Molly from daycare, fed her while I changed clothes and then met them for dinner. Dinner was great and then we headed downtown for the show. It was great. I hadn't seen The King and I before. I knew the basic storyline, but wasn't as familiar with this show as I am with the others this season so that was fun. I also really like our seats. We are in the mezzanine, and right on the aisle so we were able to sneak out quickly at intermission and make it to the bathroom before there was a line. Score! But the show didn't start until 7:30 and it was 3 hours long! I came home and immediately went to bed.

Friday was another crazy day and I had plans that night so Molly went to daycare again. Work was crazy busy again and I was running all over the place and left late again. I was tired. And frustrated. And just wanted to go home and curl up on the couch with a book, but alas, that wasn't an option. I had to go to a friend's birthday party. Confession: I was really tempted to bail, but she made reservations at a restaurant and they charge if the number of people don't show up, so I felt like I was stuck! It was fine when I actually got there. It was just gaining the motivation to go. We started out at a distillery downtown. I have never been before but had heard good things. I wasn't impressed. The views were amazing! But the drink options weren't that great and they close super early. Womp, womp! After drinks, we headed to dinner. Reservations weren't until 8:15 and I was starving by the time we finally sat down. Dinner was good though. There were so many people there so I talked to approximately 4 people that were closest to me at the table (none of them being the birthday girl). Some people went out afterwards, but I was ready for bed! Another night where I came home and went straight to bed... again!

By Saturday, I was spent! Molly woke me up at 5 to go outside so I got up and got her up and then fed her breakfast. Then I curled up on the couch and went back to sleep for a few hours. Molly never usually goes to daycare 2 days in a row so she was pretty wiped out too! She curled up on the couch with me without complaint. I'm pretty sure that I slept off and on all day! I also watched the new season of Fuller House on Netflix! It was a relaxing day. And I needed it after the past week. I was running on empty and don't think that I could have kept it up for much longer!

But I also feel like work has been crazy busy and stressful and I have 7 million things on my to-do list and I needed to be productive on the weekends. But I just couldn't. Ugh!

Okay, rant over.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Sunday Smiles


And going a little farther, He fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not as I well, that she will."
- Matthew 26:39