Second Class Singleness

Well, it's the week of Valentine's Day so it's only appropriate to talk about singleness. Ha!

I have actually started this post multiple times in the last few years and, for one reason or another, haven't finished writing it. I am in a very different place writing this post now. It's a very different viewpoint than it would have been if I had written it a year or 2 ago. And maybe that's a good thing.

First of all, let me just say that I am very content in my singleness- more so than I have probably ever been. I mean ideally I would like to get married. (Well ideally, I would have already been married) But while I think that it would be nice, I do not see it as the prize. It's not the end goal. It's not the light at the end of the tunnel. I am busy and happy and fulfilled and not looking for a relationship. I also get to snuggle with a dog that will soon let me be the little spoon!

There are times when work is super busy and long. Not too long ago, I had a friend go over at lunch and let Molly out because I didn't know what time I was going to get home (Thanks KB!) and times like that I think that it would be nice to be doing this thing called life with someone else. There are times when it would be nice to have a partner to share the load. But those aren't good enough reasons to want to get married.

I have found that my friends that are itching to get married fall into one of three categories:
1. They are lonely and really, really want someone to be with.
2. They feel outside social pressures to meet expected "norms."
3. They want to have kids.

I might as well address all of those... I'm not lonely. Okay, there are times when I am lonely. But not enough to feel like I have to get married. Most of the time when I want to do something and I'm sad that there is no one to do it with, it's more about me missing my friends that are now in relationships than it is me wanting to be in one myself. So to my friends that want to get married because they're lonely, I'm probably sitting on the couch watching Netflix. Just ask. Maybe I'll want to hang out.

This one is definitely the one I encounter the most. Social pressures definitely exist. I feel as if everyone around me wants me to get married a lot more than I want to. Which is fine. I know assume people have good intentions, but sometimes they are really dumb. They make ignorant comments and ask insensitive questions. Or they tell me that they don't understand why I'm single because I'm so pretty or smart or (fill in the blank with something that is supposed to make me feel better about myself). It doesn't make me feel better about myself. It just makes me annoyed with you. You don't know my life! LOL. But for real, when people ask why I'm single I give them the shortest answer I know how to, because I assume that they aren't asking for a synopsis of my psychological and emotional state for the past 20 years and the growth that I have made so I just give them the fact elevator answer and move on.

Also, on this note: when people try to set me up or say that they have someone in mind for me, it is usually an epic failure. They typically mean, "You're single and I know someone else that's single so you guys should try and date." Yeah, no. Just spare me!

I don't even know what to say about number 3. I have a few friends that I feel as if this is there main reason for wanting to get married. They want to get married and have kids by a certain age and time is ticking! Umm.. yes, I want kids (I think). But I can't hear anything that even resembles a biological clock. Ha! I'm sure it's in there somewhere. Right?

I'm in a singles group at church. (Remind me to post my church rant soon.) I have not really been going. For lots of reasons. But mainly because I hate that people view singleness as transient. I hate that singles ministries have turned into either a place to find a spouse or a place to prepare for the next season of life. And because it's viewed as transient, the church makes it seems as if it's a waiting period- a holding cell- until you can move into the "real" part of your life.

I don't know if I'm going to get married. I don't know if there's another season of life coming. This is my life. I want to live in the present and live out God's will for my life fully now so that I can best glorify Him. If someone comes along and I get married, then great. But if not, I'm content with my journey!