Life Lately

Sorry I have been MIA. Life has been crazy busy and I have been exhausted.

There have been multiple meetings at work about schedule changes and I felt like I have been on a roller coaster of emotions because of it. I talked about the initial meeting and my feelings about it. 2 weeks ago, we had a second meeting with the whole group, all the chiefs, and the department chair over all the residents. After a 3-hour meeting, we still hadn't reached a decision. We were nowhere closer to a resolution. So we met again last week with just our group for another 2 hours. It seemed as though a decision was made. Everyone was happy- or at least willing to give the changes a try.

Then there was a 3rd meeting. Two of our docs met with the chief and department chair to share our decisions. After another few hours, the whole plan was changed. Yet again. And that is the point where I broke. I think it was a combination of change and exhaustion and frustration. I waited until I left work, but when I made it home, there were definitely some tears. And profanity.

That's when I decided that I wasn't going to be productive for the rest of the week. I was just going to focus on rest. After that decision, the rest of the week was smoother- emotionally. Although I got nothing done and so I can't do this every week.

But I do feel better after resting. I am trying to "remain curious" and see how this whole schedule thing finally shakes out before I make an rash decisions. I did decide that I'm going to take more time off. I think that is part of what is playing into my exhaustion is that I haven't taken a day off to get things done in a while.

I feel bad taking days off though. I don't have a desk job where the work piles up and I just have to work harder when I get back. If I did, I would work harder and deal with it. But the patient load doesn't go down just because I'm off. Nothing is any slower. So if I'm not there, someone else has to do my work and I feel bad about it. But I am over it now. My mental and emotional sanity is more important. New plan: take off 1 Monday per month- just to get things done!