Winter is Hard

I am super behind on the whole blogging thing. I blame it on the weather- in addition to multiple other factors. But I hate winter, for real! Less daylight and shorter days. Some days have been totally fine. Other days it is an accomplishment just to get out of bed and make it to work. And I celebrate those accomplishments- even if I spend time counting down the hours until I can go home and get back in bed. Winter is hard!

Last weekend, I was having a particularly rough day. It was the culmination of multiple things running through my head. I finally decided that I had to get out of the house. It didn't really matter where I went, but I had to get away. I drove to the river. I would have kept going, but I had to work the next day. So I sat at the river and watched the sunset. I listened to music. And prayed. I asked Jesus to speak to me. And He so faithfully showed up and met me exactly where I was.

I know that it's not going to be easy. I know that there are still going to be hard days- probably lots of them. On those days, I will celebrate the small accomplishments. The blog will get neglected on those days. Friendships will probably suffer. But I'll make it through. I'll survive. And that's worth celebrating!

Sunday Smiles

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Lord, You have searched me and known me.

- Psalm 139:1

Happy Thanksgiving

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Enjoy your day, everyone! I'll be back next week!

Sunday Smiles

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Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever.

- 1 Chronicles 16:34

Sunday Smiles

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In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Busy

I'm taking off work today and am on the road driving to Nashville for Megan's wedding festivities. I have been trying to get some last minute things done before I go--oil change Wednesday, manicure yesterday. I woke up at 4 to pack this morning!

That being said, I've been busy. So busy that I wore scrubs to work Wednesday* and my docs asked if I had a sleepover the night before.

But when I get busy, the blog is the first thing I slack on. But I will be back next week to talk all about the wedding weekend. I can't promise that it will be Monday, but I'll get to it eventually...

Until then, I'll leave you with this:

* I went to the gym to run on the treadmill before work. The gym doesn't open until 6, so I never get a full workout in and I always feel a little rushed. I didn't get home until 6:35 and still had to shower and didn't feel like getting dressed. Scrubs won. 

** I am really trying to get them to open earlier. Really, really hard!

It's About to get Real

If you came here for a happy little pick-me-up... abort, abort! This is not that. This is real life.

This weekend was rough. Friday night was nothing special and Saturday morning started off like any other Saturday. Then, I felt like I got sideswiped! 

I went out to run errands and I can't really pinpoint it, but I felt like something was off. I felt like I was on edge. I tried to go for a run. I needed to get a long run in and I thought maybe it would make me feel better. It was cloudy and drab and started sprinkling less than half a mile in. I couldn't tell if it was going to really start raining or just stop, but I didn't want to test it-- and I wasn't feeling it-- so I left. (Side note: it never rained and I could have stuck it out. Oh well!)

I went to get groceries while I was out and things just got worse. I was still on edge and then I started getting anxious and felt like things were closing in on me. I left Kroger as fast as possible and decided to forego my last errand. I was spiraling downward. Fast. I took the worst detour possible on my way. Sometimes a girl just needs to torture herself, I guess.

I came home and things went to a dark place fast. I was back in bed by 2 and stayed there all day (minus a 2-hour bath and a quick dinner). My mind would race and then I would take a nap to stop myself from overthinking just to wake up and do it all over again.

The worst part is that I have insight into all this. I know exactly what triggered it. It was several different factors that all came together to form the perfect storm. But as much as I know why, I still feel like I have no control over it. And that sucks!

Given my history, I knew that if things didn't change quickly things would just continue on a downward slope. Yesterday was my reset day. I didn't set an alarm. I made myself sleep in. And then God woke me up with the sun shining through a crack in my curtains into my eyes. It was exactly what I needed to start resetting things. I skipped church to spend some one-on-one time with God. Then I went for my long run. I went to the exact same place on the greenline as the day before, but it was like a different world. The greenline is a perfect mix of path shaded with trees showing off their fall foliage and openings that allowed me to close my eyes for a second and bask in the sunlight. It was a surprisingly good 7 miles and God knew exactly what I needed today. He knew that I needed energy and joy today, by way of sunshine. He provided that and so much more- grace for today and new mercies every morning! 

Sunday Smiles

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I will give thanks to the Lord because of His righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.

- Psalm 7:17

InstaFriday

I've been going to the gym in the mornings before work. I try to go a few days a week. I just feel so much better and more accomplished when I work out in the mornings. The only negative is that my gym doesn't open until 6, which means that I only have time for super short workouts if I want to get to work on time. Ideally, it would open at 5 so that I actually had time to get a real workout in. Let's see if I can make that happen...

Jamie and I decided to go out for Halloween so we needed to throw together some quick costumes. Masks and handmade bags? Check and check! We went out to grab dinner (in full costume, with our masks) and then we crashed a wedding reception before we headed over to the Rec Room for a Halloween prom. It was a fairly young crowd, but otherwise pretty fun. Not our most successful night. But not our worst either... C+

Halloween 2015: Stealing hearts!

We saw this sign on a restaurant door. Boo! Is this discrimination...?!

I joined the Memphis Nurse Practitioners group. My student convinced me to do it. Then we went to the bimonthly meeting. It was at The Butcher Shop and the food was delicious! But also, this happened. You can't take me anywhere!

After the meeting, I met some friends at Ruth's Chris for drinks- which ended up in super deep conversation. And I shared a secret that I hadn't told these girls in the 6 years that we have been meeting. I wasn't kidding when I said we got deep. I think we can thank blueberry mojitos for that!

I don't usually let this happen, but I had been running around all day the day before and I left Ruth's Chris after 10 and I didn't want to stop for gas then so I decided that I would just wait until the next day. I went to the gas station after work, and this. Don't worry, I made it in time. T-Lex is a beast!

Took a random facebook quiz. Apparently, I really am just as confused as I thought...

Resolutions

Time for another resolution update. It's November. How did that happen?! I feel like I say this every time, but the year really is flying by! This is the last update- the final push before the end of the year- and I'm still slacking. C'est la vie.

If you want to see my progress, here are my original goals and here are the updates from March, May, July, and September.

Financial
1. Put $x in savings.
I have been horrible at all of my financial goals. Seriously, it has been an epic fail! Honestly, I have kind of given up on this one all together. Maybe there is a reason Dave says to do them in order. Pay off debt first, then start saving...
2. Pay off $y of loans.
Not there. Trying not to be frustrated or discouraged by it though and to look at all the money that I have paid off. I really am knocking this one off, just not as fast as I wanted to.
3. $z monthly cash budget
I haven't been doing great with the cash part, but I have done a pretty good job about sticking to a budget. Maybe for the next 2 months, I'll go back to cash... Maybe.

Mental/Professional
1. Read 20 books.
I slacked on this one for a while, but I read 2 the week I was in Costa Rica. I'm at 19. One more in the next 2 months- totally doable!
2. Attend a conference. Check!
3. Choose a research topic.
I have it narrowed down to 2. Still trying to make the final decision. Although I have already started thinking about other nerdy things that I want to do. One thing at a time...

Emotional/Personal
1. Travel.
This year, I've been to New Orleans, Gulf Shores, Atlanta, multiple trips to Nashville, and Costa Rica. That's pretty successful, right? Still thinking about maybe trying to get one more trip in this year.
2. Be a better friend.
Eh. Nope. Not great. Still working on it.
3. Be selfish.
If I had written this about a week ago, I would have said that I was doing really badly, but I think that over the past week or so it has improved. I have been selfishly doing what is best for me in certain situations and even though it is super hard, I know it will be worth it- eventually.

Physical
1. Work out 4 times a week.
I have not been recording this religiously, but I have actually been doing it. Not only did I work out 4 days last week, but they were all early morning workouts before work. Success!
2. Run 300 miles.
I'm 9 miles behind schedule- which means that my training has sucked! But I still have total confidence that I will complete this one!
3. Train for and run a half marathon.
St Jude half is in about a month. I haven't been training like I should, but I've been running a little bit. I'm still going to go for it and see how it goes...

Spiritual
1. Create a prayer board. Check!
2. Memorize scripture.
This is going better. Not great, but not awful.
3. Find a church home. Check!

2 more months. We're in the final push. Keep it going!

Testimony

Last week at Bible study, I gave my testimony...

The edited version, of course, but my testimony nonetheless.

I was awkward and nervous and stumbled over my words because a. I am awkward anyway and b. I hate public speaking. It didn't go as bad as I thought it could have and no one asked any questions (Praise Jesus, hallelujah)

And everyone was really sweet afterwards. Everyone! It was like a swift, hard punch in the gut. Nothing like sweetness to make me feel like a horrible person!

But it's over. And I did it.

Now I have 8 months to tell the full, uncensored version. Wish me luck!

Sunday Smiles

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Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the Truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

- Colossians 2:7