This weekend was rough. Friday night was nothing special and Saturday morning started off like any other Saturday. Then, I felt like I got sideswiped!
I went out to run errands and I can't really pinpoint it, but I felt like something was off. I felt like I was on edge. I tried to go for a run. I needed to get a long run in and I thought maybe it would make me feel better. It was cloudy and drab and started sprinkling less than half a mile in. I couldn't tell if it was going to really start raining or just stop, but I didn't want to test it-- and I wasn't feeling it-- so I left. (Side note: it never rained and I could have stuck it out. Oh well!)
I went to get groceries while I was out and things just got worse. I was still on edge and then I started getting anxious and felt like things were closing in on me. I left Kroger as fast as possible and decided to forego my last errand. I was spiraling downward. Fast. I took the worst detour possible on my way. Sometimes a girl just needs to torture herself, I guess.
I came home and things went to a dark place fast. I was back in bed by 2 and stayed there all day (minus a 2-hour bath and a quick dinner). My mind would race and then I would take a nap to stop myself from overthinking just to wake up and do it all over again.
The worst part is that I have insight into all this. I know exactly what triggered it. It was several different factors that all came together to form the perfect storm. But as much as I know why, I still feel like I have no control over it. And that sucks!
Given my history, I knew that if things didn't change quickly things would just continue on a downward slope. Yesterday was my reset day. I didn't set an alarm. I made myself sleep in. And then God woke me up with the sun shining through a crack in my curtains into my eyes. It was exactly what I needed to start resetting things. I skipped church to spend some one-on-one time with God. Then I went for my long run. I went to the exact same place on the greenline as the day before, but it was like a different world. The greenline is a perfect mix of path shaded with trees showing off their fall foliage and openings that allowed me to close my eyes for a second and bask in the sunlight. It was a surprisingly good 7 miles and God knew exactly what I needed today. He knew that I needed energy and joy today, by way of sunshine. He provided that and so much more- grace for today and new mercies every morning!
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