I Don't Get Mad

* This was originally written over a year ago and I never published it, so here it is...

That's a lie. I get mad. Not a lot, but sometimes. I don't express it very often though. It's the introvert in me that doesn't like confrontation and the middle child in me that always want to keep the peace- at any cost. And the cost is, more times than not, my own sanity.

But every once in a while when I get upset, I tell people about it. Sometimes I let my frustrations show. Right away. In the moment. Not very many people get to see that. But it happened a while ago. I wrote the other day forever ago about how I had been crying. It's all related to that. Usually I get mad in my head, process things in my head- or on paper, and then decide that it's not worth bringing up to the other person/people involved. But this time I got upset out loud and then processed things. Which also meant going back and actually having a conversation with the person and explaining myself.

That conversation has already happened. I think that I said everything that I needed to say, and I know that the person that I had the conversation with is probably never going to see this, but this whole thing is more for me anyway so I'm still going to write it.

I'm sorry. I probably need to work on better controlling the things I say–or the way that I say them. But there are not very many people that actually get to see the real me. In the moment. Raw and unedited. Not very many people that I care about strongly enough to tell them when they hurt my feelings and make me upset. You are one of the few and I know that, at the time, you are certainly not thankful for my wide array of emotions. I'm sorry that you have to put up with it. But thank you for being a faithful friend. You are my favorite person to fight with!