Day 121: This Won't Make Sense

At least not to you. I need to clear my head. And I want to jot things down to remember what's been running through my mind the past 36-48 hours. So while the memories and emotions are very real to me, they may not make sense to other people. But let's be honest. I don't care. I write this for me. So stream of consciousness...ready, go!

Excited. Happy. Content. Convicted. So much has changed in four months. I never thought I would get to this point. I can do this. Things can be different. I'm not the same person. This is nice. Change begins with the heart, not behavior modification. Confused. Why? Desire. Things are still different. Frustrated. Mad. Hurt. Bitter. Tears. Enraged. They're not all the same. Thankful. What's the root of the problem? What's the bigger lie? Hopeful for the future. Convicted. Productive. Worship. More tears. Craving. Taking steps towards healing. Mending relationships. Asking forgiveness. Hunger. Sanctified.

So that's pretty much been my life since yesterday morning. There have been tears of anger and frustration but also tears of joy and hope. It's been quite the roller coaster! I am continuing to speak truth to myself. And praying for God's will to be done in all circumstances. Thankful for what He has already done and what He is continuing to do and show me everyday.