Day 137: Struggles

I haven't done this in a while. Written. I haven't really felt like it. My mind, as usual, is all over the place. The good news is that I have slept through the night the past two nights! Sweet rest! It's amazing how much energy I have.

Anyway, tonight I went to a connection class at church and then went down to the river for a picnic with some friends. The weather was perfect! And the view... spectacular!

Everything should have been perfect. But something was holding me back. My mind. It was racing. Looking at the people around me and the history that they didn't even know that I had with them. Thankfully, because they didn't know, they were able to be normal and have a good time. It was another one of those "maybe it's time to move out of Memphis" moments. Sometimes it's just too much... everything.

But I have been thinking a lot about the next 45 days. 45 days! Insert slight freak out moment and mixture of fear and excitement! I'm nervous about it. There's a lot I want to do and accomplish in the next month and a half. And I am actually looking forward to everything, which is a huge shift from the terror that I had about it recently. I'm excited about what's next. Even though there have been struggles and I have gone through some tough things in the past 4 months, God has been teaching me so much! He has shown me so many things about myself and how I deal with certain situations and why. He is definitely preparing me for the future and what He has in store for me. Crazy thought: I really want to be married!