My mind. My mind is crazy! Sometimes I can imagine wild adventures and can daydream for hours about places and events that would never happen in real life. Tonight, I hung out with friends and was able to laugh and play games and just be in the moment. But the second I stepped into my car, my mind started going 800 miles a minute thinking about everything. This morning, in a belly dancing class, we would be practicing different skills and my mind would dart away somewhere and I would totally get distracted and lose focus.
I hate that I feel like it has a weird power over me sometimes. I hate that I'm so stubborn that it takes something like this for me to learn a lesson. I hate that I feel as if God has to literally take me by the shoulders and shake me to get my attention. I hate that I feel like I'm going through the exact same things over and over again.
I hate that my mind races to the past and brings up so many past insecurities. Past hurt. Past feelings of inadequacy. I feel like I could take a blog I wrote earlier and just copy and paste it to this one. I hate that. Why does it feel as though I'm not learning anything. I'm frustrated. I just want to learn from all this. The first time. I just want to start over.
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