I have started this post previously. Twice actually, but then as it kept getting delayed, I kept thinking of different things to say. And now I'm due for a 2016 year end post so I'm combining it all into one and rewriting this post a third time!
2016 was a big year for me. A year of a lot of growth and healing! I believe in celebrating milestones- marking the baby steps and how far I have come. So I have hinted about it on social media, but I got another tattoo. This one was planned, and mentally in the works for months. I knew the date that I was going to get it before I even knew what I was going to get. But I thought I had an idea of the design for a while. Even though I actually changed the idea about an hour before I got it. Oops! But after living with it for a little over a month now, I am certain that the change was the right one!
So the backstory (at least the part that I'm willing to share on the internet...), November 21, 2014 was when I hit rock bottom. This is the point where I would typically link to a previous post, but I didn't blog from April of 2014 until January of 2015. I was spiraling down fast and the blog got lost in all that. Then things turned around a year later. Here is the original post and here are my thoughts about as I reflected on the 2015 year.
I think that pretty much sums it up. I can't really say it better than I did last year. I wish I could say that everything has been better this year, but that's not really how life works. It is definitely still a roller coaster. There have been plenty of ups and downs, but the downs haven't been as low so I consider that a win.
On November 22, I went down to the river again. It was overcast and the sunset wasn't as brilliant. It was different, but in a good way. I put on some worship music and once again prayed for God to speak to me. And then, just like last year, I wrote down what He said. Some of the things were similar and some weren't, but they were all exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.
It was around the time that I wrote that reflection post on 2015 that I knew I was going to get a tattoo. On November 22. One year later. So when I left the river, I headed to the tattoo parlor. I thought that I knew what I was going to get. I had an idea in my mind for months, but sitting at the river, something changed in my mind and my heart. And my tattoo idea changed too.
But I love it! It is a permanent stone of remembrance of where I have come and the things that God has brought me through. There are no pictures of it and I've only shown it to a handful of people- people that know the entire story, because this one isn't about other people. This one is for me. And maybe one day I'll share it. I'll probably write about it in my book, but for now, it seems a little too close to home.
2016 has definitely been a year of healing. This year was defined by mercy and holiness. Mercy is not getting the punishment that you deserve. But Jesus does not just forgive us and give us a pardon. He calls us to holiness. To a standard of perfection. To be set apart for him.
It has taken me far too long to get here (in my humanly opinion), but I finally feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me and that I can live in freedom. I am so excited to go into 2017 emotionally and mentally lighter and am ready to conquer the next stage of life with this new found freedom!
Here I am, God. I'm ready!
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