November 9

It's November 9. It seems so surreal. One year ago today, I decided to stop dating. More than that, I made a conscious decision to let go of an idol, to relinquish control, to fall back in love with God and to trust Him with my life and my future. I had just started going through a series that Andy Stanley did on the New Rules of Love, Sex and Dating with some women and God was definitely whispering to me. At this point, three of the girls in the group had committed to a one year dating challenge and I scoffed at the idea of not dating. I liked dating. I was good at dating. Why would I stop? But God continued to speak to me. And it seems like it was just yesterday, I was riding in the car with Eryka and we found out about yet another couple to get engaged. Honestly, I was pissed. And that's when the light came on. I realized how much I depended on a relationship, how much I wanted someone there, and how freaked out I was to commit- to anyone. I knew that something had to change.

So I prayed, through the tears, and decided to take myself out of the dating scene for 6 months. As hard as it was, looking back I can say with confidence that it was one of the best things I could have done. I learned so much about myself (sometimes more than I wanted to know), grew closer to God, and reconnected with friends. It was wonderful! And in the blink of an eye, it was over (the 6 months, not the growth).

On May 9, I celebrated with friends the end of the six months. I recognized patterns in the past and was excited about what the future would hold- no matter what it would be. It's crazy to think about how much has changed in a year. I can't even put into words what all I learned. I sometimes wonder what life would look like now if I hadn't taken this break and I shudder. It would have been more of the same. Masked smiles that covered the pain. Shallow friendships. Fake, empty relationships. And now the load is lighter. The mask is off (most of the time). The friendships are deeper. No, things are not perfect, but they're real!