Election

This is not a "this is who I voted for and why they should win" post. At. All. But yesterday, there was an election and I feel as though I should write about it (or at least steal what someone else wrote about it)

I met Lauren a few years ago when we worked at kamp together. And she is passionate about the presidents. She is also hilarious. Before I share her thoughts on the election, read about her President's Day celebration last year. Or if you don't want to read, just watch this video she made of all the presidents wearing polo.

Now that you understand her love for all things presidential, here is her take on the election:

"And here we are again!

"I woke up this morning feeling mostly the same as I felt yesterday. Meaning, regular. Just regular.

"Save one thing--there are a lot more people/things going to Hell today than yesterday. 

"According to my Facebook and Twitter feeds these people/things are headed straight there: the state of Florida (I'm guessing most of Miami-Dade County), the state of Ohio, the entire country, Barack Obama, the newly-elected lesbian Senator from Wisconsin (that's a hefty title to carry around--even in Hell!), anyone who lives in Florida and voted for Gary Johnson and of course, everyone in Maryland who voted FOR same-sex marriage AND FOR extending in-state tuition to undocumented students (no word on Hell for those who only voted for the tuition measure).

"(Some people would argue that Ohio is already its own version of Hell, so there's that and growing up gay in Wisconsin was probably difficult, so there's that, too.)

"You know what's interesting? Even if we sent the entire state of Ohio to Hell, Mitt Romney would still not be President. Ain't that a swift kick in the pants? (I am of course referring to Ohio's 18 electoral votes and taking them away.)
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"I'm all for passion. I'm for people being interested in their government. But, it seems as though America's greatest qualities are also becoming America's greatest downfalls. Those being our freedoms of speech and religion and everything else that falls under those categories.

"These Facebook and Twitter statuses are some of the most absurd things I've ever read. And, people, I've read the entire internetS three times in my life! So, I've read a lot of stuff.

"The worst ones are the people who post Bible verses and then say, "AMERICA IS RUINED!" Reminds me of the time Jesus saw those people selling shit in the temple and he got really angry and spewed hate. Oh, wait. No, that didn't happen. He drove out the people selling stuff, healed some people, hung out with some kids and then left.

"A lot of people are convinced that this great nation of ours was founded on Christian principles and values. That's not entirely true or false. Take Thomas Jefferson for example: the guy was a diest. He wrote his own version of the Bible. He liked Jesus and believed in some version of the God I believe in, but he wasn't an Evangelical. He wouldn't even be electable today because people are so fanatical.

"Some of the statuses remind me of that gaggle of people that got on a boat and sailed across the Atlantic to escape religious persecution. And you know what they did not long after their arrival here? They started persecution others for their different (or seemingly different) religious views. It was called the Salem Witch Trials, look it up.

"Listen, (listen, listen,) I love the Lord. I'm not ashamed or scared to write that (SHOUT OUT! First Amendment ), but I am ashamed to be associated with people claiming to love the Lord one moment and then spew hate in the next. Barack Obama is not the anti-Christ. He's a guy with a weak record and a strong rhetoric. (Can we take a moment to examine Jimmy Carter? Talk about a great man who loved the Lord! And what a terrible shitty President he was, too!) (Also, if you look up Mormonism, most Christians don't really agree with it, kind of the same way they don't agree with Islam.)

"Grace came down, people! Use it, give it out freely! Love somebody!

"My other favorite statuses are the people who are moving to another country to get away from this "ruined" America. Mostly, I've seen Canada and England. Oops! Fact check: they've got that healthcare system you've been berating for 2 years.
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"America, this country is not ruined. It's just not.
I believe that with my whole heart.

" All that to say: just calm the hell down. Go to Target, buy some American-made products, drive a car built in Detroit, drink a PBR, vacay in Gulf Shores, volunteer somewhere, give some of your money away, support a public school in your town, play some baseball and eat a piece of apple pie. Then, educate yourself on some policies you are passionate about and work for them and not against something else.

"Also, just calm the hell down."

And that, my friends is the election according to LC. Feel free to read some more, just because she's that funny...