Transparency

The word get thrown around a lot. But what does it really mean? Last night he asked me if I was transparent with him. And after thinking about it, I told him that I honestly didn't feel like I was 100% transparent with anyone.

Rachel and I talked about this and about emotional intimacy in relationships. And she gave me great advice: "Don't let your words get ahead of your commitment." And it was really good to hear, but I also think that I use it as an excuse sometimes. I tell myself and others that I'm trying to "protect my heart" and withhold a level of intimacy until the right time. But really I'm just hiding. Hiding behind the mask of strength and togetherness. I realized it last night the more we talked. Then I opened up about my worries and fears about the future. And his response was better than I could have ever imagined.

But driving home it made me sad. I realized that I hadn't shared those fears with anyone else. I could tell the whole story to someone but it wouldn't be the same. No one had known the fears before and so there was no one that could rejoice with me over his reaction.

Hiding keeps people from seeing the pain, but it also stops them from celebrating the joys...