Day 11: God Trusts Me

Today I am emotional. Nothing has happened. It's been a pretty average, nothing out of the ordinary day. But, I went to bed mad and woke up mad and have been kind of in a funk all day. Let me rewind. Yesterday morning, when getting on the elevator at work, I almost literally bump into an ex-boyfriend's dad. No big deal. Not going to let it phase me. I just laughed and thought, "you're funny, God." Then I went about my day at work and it was cra.zy. Super busy and I felt like I was running around all day! After work, I was driving to dinner trying to think about what to post. I had nothing. I was really thinking that the day had been pretty uneventful and that it was going to be a short entry.

After work I went to dinner with some of the girls in my Bible study (and 2 of the other girls doing to OYC). It was just a fun tonight of fellowship and good mexican food :) At one point, I look down at my phone and notice I have 2 new notifications from facebook. I was intrigued and tried to open the app, but my phone was not cooperating so I tucked it away and went on with dinner.

After dinner, they went dancing. I went home. I was exhausted! Driving home, I decided to blog about dinner and how thankful I was for sweet friendships and encouragement and accountability through all of this. I thought it would be nice to write a happy post after crying my eyes out the night before. Then, I got to a red light and remembered my phone. So I open facebook and my mouth drops. I am speechless. Okay, technically I wasn't totally speechless. I may have said a choice word or five. I couldn't help it. I was shocked. Suspense killing you yet? Staring back at me from my screen was a facebook message from an ex that went something like, "just wanted to see how you were doing..." Back story, we dated. For a while. Broke up and he broke my heart almost 4 years ago. We haven't spoken in about a year. (If you don't know the story, don't do the math on all that...) Was never expecting to talk to him again. And then I get this. Totally out of the blue. Oh the frustrations! So I called a friend and vented to her and then almost had to laugh about it. If you've been reading a doing the math, that 3 exes that I've accidently had contact with this week. Three!

First thought: 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Second thought: God, I'm really glad that you trust me and know that I can bear this temptation, but sometimes I wish You didn't trust me quite so much...
Third thought: I kinda feel like Job. I know my family is dying and I don't have boils. But I can picture the spiritual warfare that's going on. I can imagine the conversation where Satan says, "What about this? Can I do this to her?" And then God responds, "Yes, I'll allow you to do that to her. I know that she is faithful and can handle it."

Wow! And now, I'm tearing up. Next time you're tempted, imagine that conversation in your head. It's much harder to sin when you actually picture God telling Satan that he has faith in you. And then I imagined me (I may or may not have been a little kid with a superhero cape) saying, "I can do this, Dad! You can trust me with this!" And that's what I'm going to do. Eleven days in and this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. But I'm going to do it. I have to. It's going to be hard, but God's power is made perfect in weakness!

Doesn't this look like me?! I wish I had a monkey sidekick. Maybe a guardian angel, in the body of a monkey??

Things are already looking up. At least my perspective is changing. I went to bed mad. I woke up mad. And writing this put everything into perspective and reminded me of truths!

**I just looked over to my right and saw the most gorgeous view. I tried to take a picture but the glare from the window didn't do the image justice. And you could see my patient in it. HIPAA, anyone? So no photo. But let me just describe it... The clouds are so calm and look so serene and the sun is starting to set and so the sky has a nice orange glow to it and I can see the streaks of sunlight through the clouds. Beautiful! I'm pretty sure it was God smiling at me...