Compassion (and Kevin Ware)

I'm sarcastic. And can sometimes be brutally honest. My natural tendency is to air on the side of truth over grace. But then there's the other side of me. The side of me that cries like a baby at hallmark commercials or even a hint of something sad (or happy). And I'm not a cute crier either. I cry hard. Which screws up all my serotonin and leads to a raging migraine. So basically anytime I start tearing up at all, I should go ahead and take some medicine. Yep, crying is fun...

All that to say, I've cried a lot this week. Thankfully not the hard, migraine-inducing cries but still crying. I cried watching the Louisville/Duke game. And again at every replay of the Kevin Ware injury/ reaction of his teammates. I cried the next day when I saw a picture on Twitter of him up on crutches. I cried when I read an article about him on SportsCenter. I cried when I watched an interview with Rick Pitino. And then I cried again today watching his interview. Essentially, I'm a sap. (and love college basketball!) But let's be honest, Kevin Ware's injury wasn't that bad. The bone essentially broke in half making it a pretty straight-forward surgery. It's not like it was crushed and the doctors were trying to piece it back together. And he's a healthy, athletic young adult. He's the ideal surgical candidate!

But, it got me thinking. There are so many times when I feel like I could become calloused with my job. I see these things all the time. My family's discussion at Easter lunch was about living wills and DNR status and the fact that they will be DNRs. And you should be too! (But that's another post for another day...) Sometimes at work, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I mean, everyone's sick, right? Confession: there are times when I have to hold my tongue and sweeten my words when I want to tell a patient to suck it up and work with physical therapy or when I want to sarcastically ask them if they take any medicine for hiccups when they're at home. That may never change.

So why was I so emotional about Kevin Ware? It's not because of an injury. It's because of the loss associated with the injury. And the loss is something that I pray I will never get calloused to. I can deal with being desensitized to illness, but I never want to be desensitized to people. I get to mourn loss with people on a daily basis. The woman with newly diagnosed cancer who mourns the loss of her energy, her hair, the lifestyle that she once knew... The man with a brain tumor who is mourning the slow loss of his coordination and memory... And his wife who watches helplessly and mourns the husband that she used to know. The young man with the terminal illness who mourns the loss of a future he'll never see...

This is the hard part of my job, but also the most rewarding. Sitting with patients. Listening to their stories--and their fears. Holding their hands. Wiping their tears...

"Rejoice with those that rejoice, weep with those that weep." Romans 12:15

* These are not specific patients of mine. No HIPAA violations here. But the situations and diagnoses are still all too familiar.