Necessity

This is more a post of necessity. I haven't written in a while and, well, a lot has happened. A lot that, of course, I'm not going to write about. Because let's be honest, this blog isn't about events that have happened. It's about my feelings about them. (And I still can't say lesbehonest and keep a straight face. Thanks Pitch Perfect!) And my feelings are okay. And content. And excited about the future. With a little anxiety mixed in. People that don't deal with anxiety, what is that like? What does your life look like? What do you think about while you're lying in bed before you fall asleep? I have no idea! I can't even imagine! And this is the worst gramatically written post ever! Oh hi, stream of conciousness.

But seriously, my family is hilarious! And really cool. I need that. And my friends are pretty cool too. But friendships in general are kinda weird though. Or I'm kinda weird and so my friendships are weird in return. That's probably more like it. Yesterday was gorgeous! I'm pretty sure that God did that just for me. I mean, why not? He adores me! So I was able to go for a run with my mom AND then ride my bike. It was absolutely wonderful. I can't wait for warm spring weather! I need a bike rack for my car. Any suggestions? I also need a big journal. But I know where to get that.

Last night I was able to do some "proper venting" and get made fun of just enough to keep me humble. It was nice. Sometimes I just need to laugh. I think I want to get a tattoo. I'm still narrowing down what and where, but it may happen. Like soon. God is sneaky. And temptation is everywhere. Sometimes I feel like Job.

I talked to my sister last night. She put me on speakerphone with my brother and my brother-in-law. Hilarity ensued. It made me wish that I were in Nashville with them. I also got to talk to Marlee. Who was awake. At 10pm. And wearing a tutu. I need to plan a trip STAT. Maybe this weekend. I might become a frequent traveler on the megabus. Welcome to Miami. Yep, life is about to change. And I love it!

The verse for the day is 1 Peter 2:9  "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own posession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."

Hard Talks

I have had a lot of hard conversations recently. Well, really the same hard conversation with different groups of people. Conversations about honesty and vulnerability and transparency and all those other buzz words. Conversations about going deeper and commitment. Conversations about needing people-- really needing them. And they weren't all easy. And there were times when I cried. But God is so good! He knows what we need even before we know that we need it and He meets us exactly where we are!

This week was rough. And I needed people- sometimes in ways that I didn't want to admit that I needed them. But they were there. With open arms. Ready to listen and pray and offer support and advice. And if I had this exact same week last week, I wouldn't have talked to anyone about it. I would have continued to wear the mask that everything was great. Seriously, God amazes me everyday! This morning I just got to bask in the arms of my sweet Abba! So thankful!

Stolen

Side note: In my last post, I paid tribute to JT and now he's announced he's coming out with a new album. I would like to think that is partially thanks to me. So, you're welcome.

Anyway, the post is stolen. But I'm giving credit to the source is it still stolen? This is taken from Bekah's blog. Bekah and I worked together at kamp but I didn't know her super well. Now I read her blog regularly and she's pretty awesome. First of all, one day she blogged about her packing list that she has laminated and uses for every trip. Seriously, a laminated packing list. How awesome is that?! I, of course, immediately sent her a message asking her to send me a copy of the list. She is beautifully organized and I love it! But more than that, she loves the Lord! She recently wrote a post on a christian guy versus a godly man and I thought it was worth sharing. (You can read the whole post here.)

a christian guy prays for you.
a godly man prays with you.

a christian guy reads his Bible.
a godly man studies the Word.

a christian guy volunteers to help.
a godly man serves day in and day out.

a christian guy says you look beautiful.
a godly man says you are beautiful.

a christian guy goes to church.
a godly man serves his church.

a christian guy respects your boundaries.
a godly man fears the Lord's commands.

Seriously, so good, right? Just a little nugget to think about and pray about. Back to work!

What Goes Around

Comes back around. Feel free to listen to a little JT while you read...

For good or for bad, I have always joked that my life is cyclical. Because of that, I think I have a higher than average occurrence of deja vu. And my first post of 2012 was a little of a soapbox so I guess it's about time for me to play a little defense again. (Not that I'm playing anything. Life is not a game!) But for real, last night was New Year's Eve and it was a lot of fun. And encouraging. And I only cried a little bit. So I guess that's a success!

As much as I am beginning to enjoy bigger gatherings, the introvert in me will always choose intentional conversations over being the life of the party. So I'm thankful that a few of those took place last night. Last night was a beautiful reminder of the grace God continues to lavish on me. And I am so blessed by the friends that act as the hands and feet of Jesus and show me an extension of that grace. Yep, I'm tearing up again just thinking about it. In light of the new year, the conversation was such a sweet reminder of 2 Corinthians 5:17. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." I was also reminded of Revelation 21:4-5 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for former things have passed away. And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new...'" Which always takes me back to a specific time about 18 months ago when that verse was exactly what I needed to hear! Here's a confession, I don't always understand unconditional love. Sometimes I just can't wrap my mind around it. I don't get forgiveness. It just doesn't make sense. Why would a holy God forgive me and love me no matter what? And then, why would other people? Why would other people choose to ignore the past, to look beyond the failures, to forgive the hurts, and simply love? I still don't always understand it. But I am so thankful for forgiveness and for the Holy Spirit in the lives of those around me! So dear friends, thank you for continually showing me Jesus through your lives! If only we were mic'd...

So all in all, 2012 was a good year. It was a growing year and I'm excited to see what 2013 has in store. I love New Year's resolutions. I love a good list and an Excel spreadsheet. I'm excited about getting a new calendar and a 2013 planner. Yes, I have a dry erase calendar and I use the calendar on my phone and my google calendar online, but I still like to physically write things down! Over the past few days weeks, I've been thinking about what resolutions I want to make this year. I have tried to consider all realms of life--spiritual, physical, mental, social--and have come up with at least one for each area. Because I am slightly OCD, there are 13 resolutions this year. I know that eventually I won't be able to do that anymore but this year, it works! I'm not going to list them all out here, but I'll probably mention them throughout the next few weeks. I'm ready for a great year! "Doin big thangs in 2013!"

Beautiful Jesus. Beautiful Savior.
Nothing is greater
Brilliant Creator. Friend of mine.
-Beautiful Jesus, Kristian Stanfill

My chains are gone. I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy rains

Unending love, Amazing grace!

-Amazing Grace, Chris Tomlin