My mind races. 24/7. I don't know how to make it stop. People think I'm quiet. I'm really trying to filter through thousands of thoughts running through my mind. Sometimes people ask me what I'm thinking. I have a hard time pushing pause to pinpoint just one thing. But here's a tiny snapshot into my head...
- Tonight was too eerily familiar. It was too much like the past. It scared me.
- I still have wounds. As much as I try and pretend otherwise, I still have walls up.
- Inadequate. It's like the sophisticated cousin of "not good enough" and the idea resonates like a siren in my mind.
- We are made to worship.
- We don't remove idols. We replace them. What am I replacing my idols with?
- You and I embrace surrender. You and I choose to believe...
- Was the 6 month challenge for nothing? I never completely understood that one story until now. Falling to the ground in a heap of shame.
- So I get it now. What does that mean? Do I need to do the 6 months again?
- I need a break. A time away from distraction. Just time with me and my Abba Father!
- I'm excited about what the next 48-72 hours (or 2 weeks) is going to look like. I'm ready for anything.
- Where are the deer? Okay. No deer. What are you trying to tell me then? I'm listening.
So that was just a small window into my mind. Except it doesn't happen one after the other like this. The thoughts overlap each other and some of them (inadequate) are on repeat. And there's hundreds more that are swirling around in the mix. Like how did this bruise get on my leg? And I have so much to do tomorrow. And what if this is it? But for now... Bedtime!
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