I'm SAD

Have you ever been walking through fog and not even realized it? At least not until you are out in the clear skies and look back on it? I think that's pretty common. We get used to our current situation and think that it's normal until we realize what "normal" really is.

That's been my life recently. I've been walking through the fog without even realizing it. See, I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Starting in about November, I prepare for hibernation. I physically feel heavier- like I am dragging weights behind me. I am trudging along through the fog. I am usually aware of it in November. I tell myself that this year it will be different and I will do things to combat it.

And then as the days go on, I adjust to it. I try to justify my feelings. I chalk it up to being an introvert and needing time to myself to decompress after working with people all day. That's true. I am an introvert. I do need to compress, but I also need people. Coming home after work and going straight to bed for the night and isolating on the weekends isn't introversion; it's depression. But it became my normal. Part of the issue is that I have dealt with major depression. I know what that feels like and this doesn't feel or act like that. So I began to accept it as "just how life is."

Until the sun starts peeking out and the temperature rises. In the Spring, I start to feel better and have more energy. I'm ready to engage with the world again. That's when I realize how weighted down I had been. That's when I turn around and recognize the fog that I am finally escaping.

I wish that I could say this has happened once and I now know how to handle it, but I seem to fall into the same trap every year. I keep telling myself I need to try light therapy. Maybe this year I'll actually buy one- before the symptoms start. Thanks to all my friends that stand by me through the hard times and cold. Thanks to the ones who patiently wait for me to return to the land of the living or who offer to come over and sit with me while I melt into the couch in sweatpants. Thanks to the people who are still there and ready to hang out and be supportive after I have isolated and avoided them for months.

Thanks! I need you guys. I need you like I need the sunshine!

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