Death is Hard

Yes, I know this is obvious. But it is hard; and it doesn't get any easier.

Last week, my aunt called to tell me that one of her friend's husbands was in the hospital. They live in a small town, so we he arrived at the local hospital, they sent him to Memphis. She asked if I would check on him and his wife and I told her yes. She told me that he wasn't doing well- that they were going to take him off the vent and decided not to put him back on it. I see this all the time. I knew what to expect and what I was walking in to.

On Friday, I went by to check on him and say hi to his wife. She was in the chair asleep. I know how hard it is to get rest at the hospital so I didn't wake her up. He was on CPAP and appeared comfortable so I kept going on with my day.

At the end of the day, after I had finished all my notes, I went back over to see if she was awake. She was so I got to talk to her for a little while. We talked about my mom and my aunt and family and school. She said that her children were on the way up and asked if I had time to wait and meet them. She understood how weak he was and said that once the children arrived, they were going to take him off CPAP. The chaplain had already been there to see her and he had music playing for her.* Of course, I waited with her.

When the kids arrived, I met them and we talked for a while. Then the nurse came in to give him some meds and the respiratory therapist took him off CPAP and placed him on binasal cannula. Then we waited. They took turns holding his hand and talking to him. Then we watched him take his last breath.

The nurse called the doctor to tell him and there was some confusion over whether the ICU team or the palliative team was coming, so I ended up borrowing her stethoscope and pronouncing him. (Which my mom found oddly sweet later when I told her and asked if I would pronounce her when she died...)

But guys, it was hard. Emotionally draining. Death is hard. But there is also so much hope in Jesus! Hearing his sweet wife tell him that it's okay- that he doesn't have to suffer anymore and can go be with Jesus was so encouraging! If our hope is in eternity, and not in this world, we do not have to fear death! As Paul said, "to live is Christ; to die is gain."

* I am now mentally making a list of my "deathbed" songs (Morbid, I know!) Blessed assurance, Good Father, In Christ alone, Be held, etc.