Single

Sorry guys! I'm really bad at this whole blogging thing. I was hoping that I would get back into the flow of it, but it clearly hasn't happened yet. Work has been crazy busy which is usually when I try to sneak in some writing because when I get home I don't really do anything. And on my weeks off, I usually on the go. Or relaxing with Molly and don't really get on the computer. I've also been frustrated recently and can't really pinpoint it so I'm still trying to sort through some of my own feelings before I can put them out there.

But the real reason that I haven't been posting as much... I'm weirdly secretive/protective of my relationship. I think it's part of my walls. There are no pictures on social media and no real evidence out there. We've talked about it and he goes back and forth on his feelings about it, but he respects my decision. So that's where I am. The majority of the time, I'm either working or hanging out with him. I've blogged about work and I'm leaving him off of this so... sorry!

As I think through my hesitancy, I think part of it is a fear of abandonment- a desire for permanence. Feelings are big. And scary. And all over the place. I just want to be sure. I told him the other day (and many times before) that "you're single until you're married." I've been jokingly saying that for years. Feel free to quote me! :) I think the sentiment is real though. It's not to say that I am available to date other people, but more of a reminder not to let me head and my heart and feelings get ahead of the commitment! Guys, this is so hard! I have to constantly check myself and how I am handling things and not let my feelings and emotions run while. It's really fun to think about the future, but I'm reminding myself that I'm single. And I'll plan for the future when there is a future to plan for.