Double Life

This entry is not nearly as deep as the title sounds. Although I am kinda leading a double triple quadruple life that leads me to have emotional breakdowns at inopportune times... I haven't written in For.e.ver (said in true Sandlot fashion). Partially because nothing is really going on and partially because WAAY too much is going on. A lot have been happening. My mind has been in overdrive-and overdrive for me basically looks like smoke coming out of my ears. Which is pretty much how I've felt for the past month or so. Which is why my friends are so stinkin' incredible because they have had to put up with a lot! Seriously. Just ask them! But because so much is going on, I have been journaling a lot more. Sometimes I just need to feel a pen and paper in my hands and just write. It also lets me get out all the gory details (and even more gory emotions) that I try to spare the two people that read this.

Anyway, this post isn't about all that. It's about a different double life... work. I have started my new job. And I love it! I really do. Even the times when I feel incompetent. Even the times when I work 10-12 hours and then go home and study things that I can't remember. Even the times like last Sunday night when I put on pajamas and curled up in front of my computer and read patients' charts so I wouldn't be so far behind last week. But all that to say that I feel like I'm living a double life. Right now, I work 7 days on and 7 days off. When I'm on, I feel like that's all I do. By Friday night, I think I'm in bed by 8:30 or 9. And then I'm off all week. I was able to wake up when I wanted to and curl up with a book and read. I got to workout everyday. And spend time with friends. It was great! And I really do love my job, but I feel like I have two lives that I can only live each one every other week.

Working 7 days is hard. I feel like I'm mentally drained by the end of the week. Not working 7 days is hard too. I have a lot of time to think and anyone that has met me for more than about 10 minutes knows that it not a good thing. By Thursday, I drive myself crazy analyzing the ins and outs of every possible scenario that I can create. It's emotionally draining. So... there's pros and cons. I'm learning to adjust to my new schedule. And trying to find balance in the midst of chaos. Maybe I'll get there one day...