Control and Comparison

These two little words might be the death of me!

Guys, I'll confess. I have a slight problem with control. I may be borderline OCD. I used to joke about this. And tell people that it was just efficiency. In some areas, it is. (There is a right way to load a dishwasher and why wouldn't you fold and color-coordinate yout socks and underwear!) But tonight at work, I ran some stairs, cleaned out the medicine room, organized the medicine and IV carts, and had a lot of time to think. And I came to the conclusion that there needs to be a lot less of me in my life! A. Lot. Too much of me is overwhelming! I don't know how other people do it!

During my coffee date yesterday, I shared my fears and hesitations about the future and I was reminded that I don't know God's plans. I don't know what He has in store for my life. I don't have to sign my name in blood and commit to a future that cannot be changed. And I was able to breathe slightly more easily. It was a good reminder that no matter how much I may think I want it, I cannot control every aspect of every second of the day. I am so thankful for that!

The second death of me is comparison. Part of my obsession leads me to overthinking and overanalyzing every single little thing. Comparing myself to other people, comparing one person to another. And it never turns out well! I was talking to a friend the other day about life and how I didn't think it would have turned out like this and the response was, "well neither did I. The grass is always greener..." Which made me think about things too, of course. Comparison robs you of joy and doesn't allow you to live in the present. Pray for me as I tackle these things! And that I don't overthink things while I'm hanging out at work at midnight...