Day 27: One. Two. Three.

I was going to write about friendships today. I was going to write about Saturday night and the fun of cooking a pinterest dinner together. About the adventures and dancing the night away to kinect. About laughing and opening up to each other. 

All recipes found on Pinterest

I was going to write about Sunday and lunch after church with friends. About going to dinner to celebrate a sweet friend’s birthday. About affirming who she is and how thankful each of us is to have her in our lives.

I was going to write about tonight and celebrating Christgiving with my DTR group. About laughing at ridiculous outfits and absurd dirty Santa gifts.

Snooki and The Situation Christmas ornaments. All I can think of is Katie and Will on Halloween. I love Katie Bower! 

I am so thankful for my friends and have loved the weekend we've spent together but in the back of my mind there's always that feeling... "I'm single." Everyone tells me that it will get easier. And I hope it does! I don't know if I can handle the overwhelming thoughts that are always in the back of my mind. And today was no different...

One. You are the past. You are comfortable. It's easy to fall back into old habits. But you are in the past for a reason. I don't want to look back. I don't want to go back to who I was. I'm ready to move forward.

Two. You are the future. You are exciting. You are an adventure and a challenge. But you look too much like the past. You make it too easy to go back to the old me. God is growing me everyday and there's no turning back now.

Three. You are the unknown. And yet you know me so well. You are comfort and ease. Yet you keep me on my toes. You challenge me. You encourage me. You make me want to be a better person. Yet you are still unknown. I can't fall when I don't know if you'll be there to catch me. I don't know if you are part of God's plan for my life. And so I'm stepping back. I'm taking time for me and God. I'm praying for a renewed heart and mind. Today was another reminder of why I am doing this. Why I'm taking a break from dating and focusing on my relationship with my Heavenly Father. But there's still part of me that wonders where we'll stand when the dust settles...