It's July

In case you weren't aware. Or you just slept through the past few days (which doesn't sound like such a bad idea...) I feel like just saying this makes me sound old, but this year is flying by! The new residents started this week so work has been interesting... It actually hasn't been too bad. I think with the new schedule and job description, I haven't been on the front line with the residents as much but this week has definitely been a different pace than the past few!

I feel like I always get sentimental in July. It's my birthday month so I start thinking about getting older and reflecting on the past year and how I've grown and where I want to be moving forward. The year is also halfway over so I've been doing some thinking on 2018 and taking a look back at some resolutions to see how I'm doing with those. I also just now realized that I never did a post about my 2018 New Year's Resolutions. That's the first time in a while. Oops!

So here they are (and how I'm doing with them)

1. Run 365 miles. It's just a mile a day. It doesn't seem that hard, right? Ha! I started the year off pretty strong. I was running fairly regularly and doing alright. Then my schedule changed and it got harder to find time to run. Then summer came and it's already like 90 degrees at 5am and running became even more of a challenge. I'm currently at 112 miles (I technically should be at about 190 right now), but I'm still planning to finish this. I've forced myself to start running again. I tell myself that if I can at least run a few miles right now then it will only get easier as the weather cools down, right? And I signed up for the road race series again so that will help me a lot! As of now, I need to run 42 miles every month to finish it. Here goes nothing!

2. Read through the Bible. I'll be honest. I am failing at this. Miserably! Wow. It's bad. There are still 6 months left. I might be able to redeem it...

3. Weekly date night. Umm, I'll give us a solid B on this one. The rules were that we had date night once a week where we actually get out of the house and do something fun. I'm an introvert and especially after working all day, it's really easy to just hang out in sweats around the house but we wanted to start this early before life gets busy and other things get in the way so we're working on it.

4. Pay off one student loan. I started 2018 with 2 loans left to go and I have officially paid off one of them! My real goal is to have the other one paid off before I get married, but since I don't actually know when that's going to be it makes it hard to budget but that's the ultimate goal. I would really like to go into a new relationship without lingering debt. Also, I'm just so ready to be finished paying this every month!

5. Read 36 books. 3 per month. Totally doable. Right now, I've already read 29 books. This new schedule is definitely helping with the book reading!

6. Pray daily. Seriously?! Another major fail. I don't know why I am so bad at this, but I'm determined to get better!

7.  Build relationship with my sister. Part of my introversion, and just personality in general, is that I am terrible at relationships! I am just not good at keeping in touch with people. And I hate talking on the phone 90% of the time. At the same time, I really want to have a good relationship with my sister and be close to her so I'm trying to do better about making an effort and actually picking up the phone and calling even when I just want to sit in a corner in silence...

8. Girls group. I'm not just talking about friendships. I'm talking about a solid, life-giving, ask the hard questions kind of group. I have experienced groups like this at various seasons of life and they were so. good. And I desire them so much. I've been praying about it and what exactly it looks like and how to go about embarking on it, but also I'm not good at staying connected so it's hard. See above.

9. Journal weekly. I'm not talking about blogging. I mean actually writing where I put all my thought and feelings and so many emotions on to paper. I want to remember all the things- the good and bad. But, nope. Definitely not. Another fail! I'm getting a little better about it though. I think...

How are you doing with your resolutions? Better than me, I'm sure!

Church Swap

Alright so I'm back to searching for a church... I left my last church in search of community and first talked about finding a church back in 2015. It has been an amazing community. My class and small group have provided me with real, life-giving, intentional relationships and, for that, I am thankful. But I also had some issues... Since I wrote that post last April, I did go to the Exploring Membership class. I was able to ask some questions, but overall I don't think I got the answers that I was looking for- or I did get answers that were a confirmation that this was not where I needed to be. When I was last looking for a church, my first priority was community and as long as they were preaching the gospel then I was content, but the longer that I was there, the more I felt like it was straying from that. I felt as if the gospel was getting watered down and there was more emphasis on political correctness than truth. It just got the point where I couldn't ignore it anymore.

I talked to the boy about it. I told him my reasons for feeling like it wasn't the church for me anymore. He listened and agreed with most of my reasons. And I am grateful for that because I felt very strongly about it and had decided to leave whether he was on board or not. But he supported my decision. After that we sat down and talked about what things we are looking for in a church and what our highest priorities are. It was a good conversation about seeing where we aligned and on which points we differed. But after coming up with our list of priorities, we narrowed down a few churches and have been visiting for the past few months. Our goal is to give each church 4-6 weeks to get a good feel for it. It is a little more difficult with my work schedule. There have been a few weeks where I have been able to sneak away for church and then go back to work afterwards and there have been some weeks where I'm super busy and he's had to go alone. Because of that, we definitely want a place where we both feel comfortable and at home. It's a journey, but I'm excited about it. Pray for us!

Girl Talk

Friendships come and go. They change and evolve. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Although I don't always handle change well. I look at TimeHop everyday and I love the memories but there is always a bittersweet feeling around friendships. Whether it's marriage or children or moving, my friendships have changed over the years. But I am so thankful for true friends that have remained despite distance or just different seasons of life. I have grown so much and learned a ton from my friends over the years and I wouldn't change those times for anything.

Last fall/winter a few friends decided to do a monthly dinner so that we could try out some different restaurants around the city. A few weeks ago, we went for sushi. It was so fun to chat and laugh and catch up with these girls! Most of them are girls that I met from church and since I haven't been going there anymore (I don't think I ever wrote about that... Next post!) I feel like nights like this are that much more important to connect, but I still feel like things change too fast...

Single

Sorry guys! I'm really bad at this whole blogging thing. I was hoping that I would get back into the flow of it, but it clearly hasn't happened yet. Work has been crazy busy which is usually when I try to sneak in some writing because when I get home I don't really do anything. And on my weeks off, I usually on the go. Or relaxing with Molly and don't really get on the computer. I've also been frustrated recently and can't really pinpoint it so I'm still trying to sort through some of my own feelings before I can put them out there.

But the real reason that I haven't been posting as much... I'm weirdly secretive/protective of my relationship. I think it's part of my walls. There are no pictures on social media and no real evidence out there. We've talked about it and he goes back and forth on his feelings about it, but he respects my decision. So that's where I am. The majority of the time, I'm either working or hanging out with him. I've blogged about work and I'm leaving him off of this so... sorry!

As I think through my hesitancy, I think part of it is a fear of abandonment- a desire for permanence. Feelings are big. And scary. And all over the place. I just want to be sure. I told him the other day (and many times before) that "you're single until you're married." I've been jokingly saying that for years. Feel free to quote me! :) I think the sentiment is real though. It's not to say that I am available to date other people, but more of a reminder not to let me head and my heart and feelings get ahead of the commitment! Guys, this is so hard! I have to constantly check myself and how I am handling things and not let my feelings and emotions run while. It's really fun to think about the future, but I'm reminding myself that I'm single. And I'll plan for the future when there is a future to plan for.

7 on, 7 off

Well, I said that I was going to talk about the new work schedule and when this post goes up I will be on day 6 of 10 so it may not be the best time, but overall I am still loving the schedule. For those that don't know, I work with a group of Internal Medicine hospitalists. They have always worked 7 days on and 7 days off and that's what I did when I first started here 5 years ago. We had that schedule for about a year, but then changed to Monday through Friday to optimize productivity, etc. I'll be honest, I never really liked that schedule. And I felt bad complaining about it because it is what most of the working world does, but it just isn't great for me. I'm an introvert through and through and I can turn it on and talk to patients and families and have hard conversations but by the end of the day, I'm spent and by the end of the week, I have nothing left to give. 2 days was not enough time for me to recover. Add to that, it also meant that I had to go shopping and get groceries on the weekends with everyone else when the stores were so crowded and I felt like I was always a little on edge. Not ideal!

Over the past few years, the hospital census has changed and the needs of the group have changed. The docs in the group have known that I wanted to go back to the 7 on, 7 off schedule for a while so as things were changing they discussed the possibility of a schedule change and I was all for it! We officially made the switch in February so I'm about 4 months in and still loving it. The whole system is a little hard to explain, but basically I'm on call from 8a-8p Monday-Sunday. Being at a teaching hospital complicates things a little. I hold the admission pager from 8-1 Monday through Friday then pass it to the residents but stay in the rotation for admissions until I have hit my admission cap. Then I have the pager again from 6:30-7:30p until night float residents come on and take over. Through the week, I'm pretty much inhouse the entire time. On the weekends, I'm usually in the hospital from 8-2 or 3, but then still take call until 7:30. And then at 8p on Sunday night, I turn the pager off and don't think about it again until the next Monday morning! It's glorious!

The 7 on is definitely unpredictable. Some days it is crazy busy and I walk into 5 admissions and keep running all day. Other days they just seem to trickle in, but I never know which it will be. And by day 5, I'm usually pretty beat. But the 7 days off more than makes up for it. I usually just relax on day 1, maybe try to do some laundry or something low key and then on day 2 I start to be productive- get groceries, clean the house, etc. Last week when I was off, I went to the dentist, the therapist, worked out a few days, had coffee with a friend, met the boy for lunch twice, and got to spend a lot of time snuggling with my puppy. (She goes to daycare on the weeks that I work.)

So overall, I'm loving it. And I definitely feel like it makes me feel like I can stick with this job for longer- especially since New York is off the table for now. My only concern with it is how sustainable it will be long term with a family and kids and stuff. But that's a long way off! So for now, I'm loving the schedule and enjoying every second of it!

Life Update

So I haven't written since October. That's over 5 months ago. Man, how life changes!

When I last left off, I had was super over work, had just applied for my NY nursing license and was about to hit up the Big Apple with Katie. Where do I even begin?

New York with Katie was amazing, per usual! We stayed at an AirBNB in the East Village which was a lot of fun to get a different experience, but also knew I wouldn't want to move there. Too many NYU students and just had a very college vibe to it. But otherwise it was a lot of fun! Most memorable moments: we went to the 911 memorial museum. I have been to the memorial a few times, but have never actually gone to the museum. It was intense. Very heavy and surreal! We talked about where we were when we first found out (Sophomore Spanish class) and then looked around at all these teenagers walking through the exhibits that weren't even alive when it happened. That was crazy to think about...
MMM#2: We went on a literary pub crawl in Brooklyn. It was awesome! It definitely made me fall in love with Brooklyn, although transportation to and from the city isn't as easy as I had hoped. But we saw where Arthur Miller wrote The Crucible and had drinks at the bar Frank McCourt used to go to when he was teaching high school English (you know, before he wrote Angela's Ashes). It was all really neat.
MMM#3: Hamilton! Do I need to say anything else?! It was even more incredible than I was expecting! While we were waiting to get in, this guy walked by with earbuds in singing along to the soundtrack. Then he turned and walked into the stage door. Once he was in, the security guard just casually said "he plays Hercules Mulligan" Umm what?! Not singing along to the soundtrack, working on his lines! The show was incredible! I sang along the entire time. The kid beside me did not seem to be too impressed. Oops!
Oh, we also went and walked around NYU hospital. Just doing some investigative work. Wanted to see what a potential future workplace may look like... Overall, it was a great trip and I continued to fall in love with the city!

Soon after I got back home, I got my NY nursing license! One step closer! I then began to look at the NP application. It didn't seem too bad since it was really just transferring things to a different state. There was also talk at work about going back to the 7 on, 7 off schedule. It's what the docs do and what we did when I first started but we have been on a Monday through Friday schedule for a few years now. It's not my favorite and I think was contributing to my work burnout. The days are stressful and 2 days are just not enough time to recover. We ended up making the switch in February and it's been great. The weeks on are hard. I'm pretty spent by day 5, but 7 days off totally makes it worth it. I'll do a entire post on the switch and the new schedule.

But I didn't end up sending in my NY NP application because... about 2 weeks after I got back from the trip I started dating someone. We talked about everything pretty early on. He wasn't going to do long distance, but also didn't want me to resent him if I gave up New York for him. We talked about it a lot. I thought through what I wanted to do and ultimately decided that I loved New York and I wanted an adventure, but I also felt like part of the draw was that there was nothing tying me down to Memphis and if I was going to go then it had to be then. If I had a reason to stay, I felt like I needed to see it through.

So that's where things sit now. We are planning a trip to visit New York soon, but moving is currently on pause. We'll see what happens!

I've Missed This

I haven't written in a while and to be honest, I've missed it. A lot. And I went back and read about what was going on the last time that I was writing consistently and so much has changed. So much! I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore, but I do occasionally like to go back and read how I was feeling throughout different periods of time so I'm going to try and continue writing- for posterity sake. It's not going to be regular and it probably won't be very frequent but it's going to happen- even if it's just for myself...

Sunday Smiles

{Source}

We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.

- Psalm 33:20-21

Out of the Office

By the time this posts, I'll be walking the streets of New York! Actually, I land at 9:40 so when this posts I'll probably be walking the floors of La Guardia, but that's close enough! Katie and I are staying in an Air BnB in the Village so hopefully we'll get a good neighborhood vibe. I'll be back on Sunday night, so I'll post all about the adventures when I get back!

Word Vomit

Another post of randomness...

I don't know if it's good or bad that nothing major is going on in life right now. I'll take it as a good sign.

* Ran 10 miles yesterday. It was miserable. Hot and muggy and So. Many. Hills! Who puts the steepest, hardest hill at mile 9. Sheesh! But I survived. Then Katie came over with Lucy (her dog) so that Molly and Lucy could entertain each other and we could crash on the couch all afternoon. Win, win!

* I have officially submitted all my paperwork for my NY nursing license. It will probably take 6-8 weeks before I hear anything. And I can't start applying for my NP license until I have my RN license so that part is a little bit at a standstill, but at least things are kind of moving forward. Now to start saving money...

* Speaking of saving money (or the exact opposite), Katie and I will be in New York this week! Just going up for a long weekend, but I'm super excited about it. People have asked if this is a scouting trip and it's not really. I'm going to check out some boroughs that I'm not super familiar with and spend some more time in Brooklyn to get a better feel for it. Maybe look at some commute times. But things are a little too up in the air for any more scouting right now. Maybe next time...